It’s quite ingenious, when you think about it. Sure, the strategy will have its critics, but those will be far outweighed by the potential benefits. I am, of course, talking about Marco Rubio’s campaign strategy to launch a frozen yogurt chain.
I mean, he hasn’t quite announced it yet, but one quick glance at the logo makes it obvious. Lowercase sans font, two color scheme, creative dotting of the i? They’re selling freedom by the ounce!
In less than a year, Republicans from around the nation will gather in their local “‘Rubios” to discuss politics over a cup of coffee-house-and-snickerdoodle flavored frozen dairy product. Nothing quite says American capitalism like starting your own frozen yogurt joint destined to fail in a few years time. All in all, an impressive showing from Marco Rubio.
Ted Cruz seems to have gone a different route. His logo, featuring a prominent flame, has led to rampant speculation on my part of what might be coming, the best of which written here for your convenience.
By using the flame, I believe Cruz is attempting to invoke the power of one of the four elements. Being the fire candidate, it only remains a matter of time before the wind, earth and water candidates emerge to support him on this journey. They may have a lot to learn, but I believe one of them will become master of all four elements, and can save America.
Too few candidates take “running” for office literally. Rand Paul cannot be considered among those candidates. His logo, inspired by running shoe greats such as Adidas and Nike, serves as a constant reminder about the need to actually run to achieve presidential office.
Even his campaign slogan, “Stand with Rand,” assists him in this regard. +1 for the continuity across the campaign, but -1 for being the second candidate to use a flame. Come on, how am I supposed to remember which presidential candidate is which if they’re all setting their logos on fire?
Finally, of course, we have the hospital sign. Wait, no, is it the logo of a shipping company? Perhaps, as some more imaginative spectators have pointed out, a reference to the twin towers? Could Hillary Clinton be a member of the Illuminati? Find out in next week’s issue of the Collegian!
If you can’t find it laying around, it’s safe to assume the local chapter of the Illuminati has stashed it for safekeeping, and it will be delivered to your doorstep when you are deemed ready.