The perfect pairing guide for your drunken late nights and hungover budget brunches. graphic by Emma Palmer

The ultimate fast food pairing guide

College kid tested, reader approved.

As the semester is wine-ing down, the drinking is intensifying, and for that reason, I have created some suggestions as to which fast food you should pair with that bad life decision for the night. These recommended pairings come from some experience, and if you want to truly enjoy and indulge as you try to forget the stresses and perils of college, you should definitely make sure to order the right fast food to go with your evening.

First up, let’s go with a new party classic: White Claw. This discerning drink has become all the rage at all sorts of events. Most common among sorority girls, this drink is seen by some as the La Croix of alcoholic beverages. For its discerning and complex flavor profile that gives you just a hint of anything in each $10 can, I suggest pairing White Claw with Chick-fil-A. This combination will lead to maximum pleasure and leaves you craving more Chick-fil-A Sauce after that slight buzz hits three drinks in.

Now, if you’re looking for something a little stronger, look no further than McCormick vodka. This vodka is known for being strong but making people forget about taste quick (why it’s a favorite at frat parties). And for that reason alone, I think McDonald’s is the way to go. You really know what you’re getting into when you decide to get McDonald’s, and you’re in for that same world of hurt with McCormick, so you at least have some confidence in your … happy ending.

Next up, we have the house party classic: Smirnoff Ices. Most commonly associated with getting iced, or having to chug an entire one if found in a random room, these classics are pretty good, but drastically differ in quality based on which one you get. Just like pizza. This pairing truly can be a magical thing, and also, given the wrong one, a terrible decision. Choose both your pizza place and Ice flavor wisely.

Going down a slightly different path, let’s talk about Barefoot wine. Barefoot provides everything from your champagnes to your pinot noirs, all in a cheap but palatable package. Pair these babies with Wendy’s, the cheap, cost effective and decently flavorful fast food whose four for four actually does provide enough for a college kid on a budget, just like Barefoot claims (and occasionally succeeds) to do.

Now if none of these have truly appealed to your refined palate yet, I have one more suggestion. For the tequila fans in the house, look no further than Patron, a pretty decent tequila (which doesn’t say much: it’s tequila). A drink found as commonly in house parties as frat parties (but always better with a lime), Patron is truly best served with something quick and dirty, but sometimes versatile: Taco Bell. Close to TU’s campus but not necessarily your first choice (Arby’s is closer to almost all on campus students), Taco Bell has a niche following, just like patron, and the spices that are theoretically there mesh nicely.

So there you have it! Next time you decide to drink yourself into a stupor, don’t forget to bring the right food with you. It will definitely make your night better! Let me know if you have any more suggestions. Just a note: please only try these if you are of the legal drinking age (which I am).

Post Author: Hannah Robbins