The Void presents: Sexy ways to die, rated

Let’s face it, death is hot. Our readers sent in ways of dying, and I, a person who is truly dead on the inside, rated these methods on how hot I feel each method is.

“Death by midterms.”
Relatable, but not sexy enough. C-/10

“He ran into my knife. He ran into my knife 10 times.”
Okay, Brenda from Chicago, we get it, you like musicals. 8/10

“A quiet death in your sleep.”
Too anticlimactic. Really, that’s the hottest thing you could think of? 2/10

“Died of a broken heart.”
*Cue my Taylor Swift breakup playlist* 9/10

“Death by too much Viagra.”
Man, this is a hard one. 6/9

“Death by little kids asking you too many questions.”
Why? ?/10

“Death by having too good of sex.”
Greg, no matter how many times you ask me, no, I’m not sleeping with you. 0/10

“Death by embarrassment.”
Honey, if you could be killed by that, I would have lived past neither my middle school emo phase nor my Belieber stage. 4/10

“Death by having your eyeball licked and being too grossed out about it.”
Okay, Satan daddy, that’s kinky. 12/10

“Death by cannibal vegans.”
Do you even know the definition of a vegan? Although “Vegans Gone Wild” would be a great name for a horror movie … On second thought, 11/10

“Getting pulled up into the vortex of a tornado filled with sharks.”
An Oklahoman’s wet dream. 13/10

“Choking to death on peanut butter.”
A sticky situation to be in. 9/10

“Listening to Justin Bieber.”
I’m still a Belieber at heart. 1/10

“Dying next to your true love.”
Didn’t you hear romance is dead? 4/10

“Death by Tide pods.”
The ultimate meme-worthy death. 10/10

“Running out of gas on train tracks and watching your life flash before your eyes as the train approaches.”
A true movie-worthy death. 11/10

“Death by injecting too many marijuanas.”
How high were you while writing this? 4/20

“Roller coaster car goes off the rails.”
Thrill ride of your life. 9/10

“Getting run over by a reindeer.”
5/10. Bonus points if you are a grandma.

“Death by bra strangulation.”
Affects almost 50 percent of the population. 5/10

“Sunburned to death.”
The tale of a redhead outside for longer than five minutes. 10/10

“Mansplained to death.”
Well, actually … 1/10

“Being launched by a giant slingshot over a thousand-foot chasm filled with venomous elephant sized tarantulas, all while on fire, then getting into a car accident while driving home from the whole slingshot ordeal.”
Kinda hot. 10/10

tucollegian | Collegian

After epically surviving all this, you die. Graphic by Conner Maggio

Post Author: Madison Connell