True Story Slam gives another night of casual entertainment

Ok, So’s hosting of November’s True Story Slam stuck to the general process of how they go each month: entertaining, but not out of the park.

It’s that time of the month again; IDL ballroom and Ok, So hosted November’s “True Story Slam.” The theme was “Wanderlust,” or the desire to travel. While there were a few duds, I found a couple diamonds in the rough.

Speaking of rough, Jacob went first, bestowing upon us an explicit story about he and a girl in the back seat of a hatchback car. The cops came, and then they got into trouble: yes, that is the whole story.

Jordan got to the stage next to enlighten us about his trip to China, where he visited the Leshan Giant Buddha. He had the decency to provide us with a disclaimer of his story’s content.

“So, you know when you’re at a world heritage site and you know your bowels have been cursed by a witch?” Ah yes, the ever-returning poop story. At this point, his speaking ability was good enough and his content entertaining enough that I did not mind being able to tell the rest of the story for him. He had to go to the bathroom, he could not find one.

He proceeded to “destroy the bathroom.” I would like to say I am above this humor, but frankly I must hand Jordan a good review.
Tony was up next with another explicit story about he and his friends finding dirty magazines in the woods. If you could not tell, Tony is friends with Jacob. At some point, he started talking about shampoo. The audience eventually began singing “Heads Shoulders Knees and Toes.” Tony ended the story by collapsing on stage. Me too, Tony. Me too. This one was funny but lacked any point, nor did it fully follow the theme.

Cecilia took the stage next. She and her son went to Mexico for a trip one Christmas break. When fishing, they snagged a good one off the side of the boat. A delighted sea lion took note, swam over, and bit off the fish from her son’s hook. He reeled in a severed head.

Dan came next, talking about his love for scuba diving. I lost plot shortly after he was talking about sharks. To my dismay, he kept repeating “I don’t have wanderlust.” His scuba stories had little to do with the tale, but just in case we did not get the message he repeated this mantra three times to end his story. It went over my head.

The evening’s host, Ryan, came next, starting with “I started my own religion on a boat in the Baltic Sea when I was 19.” Apparently, he had a few drinks.

“After four vodka red bulls, I decided to go play blackjack” he said. He won hand after hand, compiling a suspicious amount of money. The alcohol and caffeine apparently made him so confident, so he made some risky moves that paid off, almost as if he could predict the future. An inebriated Swede next to him started calling him “prophet.” He proceeded to run about the ship with the Swede behind him announcing that he was a prophet. He later found out he misinterpreted the man’s message.

“He was saying ‘profit’ as in you made a lot of many, and people are probably planning to rob you after you get off the boat.” But for a few hours, Ryan had started his own religion.

Next up was Martha. He is beginning was slow; it included a laundry list of the perks of traveling, especially in self-fulfillment. At some point it felt more like a travel guide, and there were a few too many clichés. She narrowed her point to the people of Indonesia. She recounted a couple stories from the local people that were touching and heartbreaking. She ended pretty well, and it was a good effort to steer the topics away from crude humor.

Karen took over for Martha. She and her family traveled frequently in a station wagon. After a brief stop, her father stated the family would not stop for any reason, and as luck would have it, her brother had to go to the bathroom 15 minutes up the road. So they did the natural thing.

“My mother dangled the kid at a 45 degree angle out the door of the car going three miles-per-hour. He proceeded to water an Arizona highway… for a quarter mile” she said.

In all the excitement, they realized they had left one of their children behind. Her story had a plot, stuck to the theme, and made me laugh. True talent, here.

Aaron took the stage next. I was not entirely sure where he was going with his. He ended up in Gangnam, Korea, on a national holiday where no one is in Gangnam. Walking around a city of millions of people devoid of a single soul, he admired the architecture.

Next came a lady who claimed she really found herself on a 500 mile hike in Spain. At the end of it, she got engaged. I think it was a metaphor.

Last came a young lady named Amy. Her visa expired in India and she ended up in international prison for a spell. She then went on an island vacation to there.

“I wore a bikini in a Muslim nation where that can get you stoned” she said. And instead of ending up in jail again, a guy on a moped picked her up and took her to a beach.

True story slams have a few talented people, but that bad stories are just as fun. Karen took the gold, and Jordan the silver.

Post Author: Brennen Gray