Trump to kickstart economy by giving out small loans

Everyone knows Donald Trump is one of the wealthiest men in the U.S. today. Accusations have been made about how he acquired his wealth, including tax evasion, not paying workers and by hanging on the coattails of his father.

What isn’t well known, though, is that Trump is a self-made man. During the first presidential debate last Monday, Trump hinted at the inspiring story of how he took a small million dollar loan from his father (and the family real estate business) and turned it into a multi-million dollar empire.

Trump’s story has given supporters a new idea for how to end poverty. Fans of Mr Trump have begun lobbying to require big banks to give million dollar loans to all upper class millennials. These twenty-somethings will then make some bad investments, lose all of the money and be given more. In addition, there will be numerous events held to help the young billionaires-to-be make the connections Mr. Trump relied so heavily on. When these citizens eventually make their fortunes, their wealth can trickle down to the lower classes.

Trump commented on the plan, “Great idea. Great. Love it. Love my fans. They have the best ideas. The best. Gonna create HUGE problems for Crooked Hillary.” Upper class citizens have flooded Wall Street with their maids and gardeners in an effort to be taken seriously. When asked if they have any links to the Occupy Wall Street movement, a spokesperson yelled, “No! We would never beg for money like those lazy hippies!”

Post Author: tucollegian

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *