While some haters have been spreading lies that future POTUS Donald Trump did not win the second presidential debate, most people can agree that he seemed much more prepared that he did during the first debate. Our sources say that this is due to Mr. Trump hiring a debate coach after the first debate to whip him into shape for the second one. This coach is one Timmy Weathersford, a 13-year-old boy from Kansas.
Timmy’s background in debate is extensive. He is the youngest of four and thus has 13 years of experience in shouting matches. He’s a four year veteran of the playground burn-off tournament and a multi-time champion. His most prestigious accolade is that he is the originator of that nerd Keith McCarthy’s nickname “Keith the Queef.”
Timmy’s training routine for Mr. Trump was intensive. Every morning started with a two hour session of Nuh-uh Yeah-huhs followed by an hour of not answering questions that were asked. After a quick lunch break the real meat of the training started: the zinger practice. This involved watching hours of tape of Hillary Clinton talking and Mr. Trump interjecting with jokes and snarky remarks whenever he could. They would also have “lightning rounds” where Timmy would give Mr. Trump one or two lines of Clinton-esque dialogue and Trump had to respond with a dank zinger in 10 seconds or less.
“I wanted to do more than just have him memorize some responses to probable statements from Hillary, but instead actually teach him the art of snide remarks,” said Weathersford in an interview with the State-Run Media. “Anyone can come with prepared zingers but a true zingmaster can come up with them on the spot.” Timmy expressed pride in Mr. Trump’s performance during the last debate and said that he was “a great student” and has “made a lot of progress,” but also that Mr. Trump has a lot of room to grow. “We’ve doubled down on our training for the final debate. Everyone is going to be stoked by by Mr. Trump’s dope one-liners and savage insults come the next debate.” said Weathersford, “It’s gunna be lit.”
Only time will tell if Mr. Trump’s training will pay off in the third and final Presidential debate but it sure seems like he’s becoming more and more like his 13-year-old debate coach.