Tulsa makes several top ten lists for drug use

It’s official! Tulsans really like their hard drugs.

I know this looks bad, but I can explain.

Tulsa is third in the nation for weed use, sixth in cocaine, sixth in heroin and seventh in meth use. Some critics, negative Nellies and naysayers claim that this is bad press. But this is where T-Town can finally shine.

First and foremost, our politicians (to be fair, most of whom are at the state level, not the city level) have something to ignore. In fact, they have been so desperately busy finding things to distract them from the drug problem that everything else seems to be getting done!

Ignoring the drug problem like the plague has led to the City of Tulsa repairing one or two roads, finishing the Gathering Place using someone else’s money and pretending to care about the massive life-expectancy gap between north and south Tulsa.

Another bonus of the drug problem, other than providing motivation for literally everything else to get done, is that it has historically given Tulsans something to do.

Of course, this is less relevant now that Tulsa has more than a dozen businesses total downtown. But during those pre-Blue Dome District early 2000s it’s not like we all had much else to do.

If all this is not quite enough, think about all the worse things we could be doing.

Instead of smokin’ sweet, sweet crystal, we could all be doing something horrible, like humble-bragging about our jobs and internships to everyone we know.

Instead of burnin’ the ganja, we could all be being that guy that that revs his engine at 3 a.m. in a residential area.

Instead of shootin’ the skag, you could be using your even six feet of height as your entire personality.

Instead of snortin’ that good, good pearl, we could all be telling a Collegian writer that his articles are bad even they he works really, really hard on them and deserves respect even if he is a piece of garbage because he’s trying his best and life is hard and not everyone can win a Pulitzer OK?

Just saying! There’s plenty of worse things than just doing a couple drugs.

And another thing: Think about the economic growth!

A million bucks of drugs every few months is money moving. Money moving means a big-time economy. The only real difference between meth and oil is that we can make meth at home, which is much easier than the whole invade-whatever-country-that-has-it thing.

If nothing else, at least Tulsa is being put back on the map. We can always fall back on being known as the city with the most drugs per capita.

Post Author: Brennen Gray