Vote Void for President

This coming year will be my first chance to vote in a presidential election and I’ve been paying furious attention to all of the candidates. Ultimately my vote was secured from the beginning. I’m going to vote for the darkest darkness, the unthinkable nothingness. I’m voting for the Void, and so should you.

Are you tired of people talking to you about their political ideas, especially your friends and family? Do friends or family often argue about their ideological differences? Well one mention of your support of the Void and those people will most probably never talk to you again! Furthermore, if the Void is elected president, or failing that if it decides to take power anyway, all those who opposed it will be swallowed into eternal oblivion.

The Void is not interested in helping the rich, white, upper class… or the lower class… or really anyone for that matter. The Void does not care for human currency so it cannot be bought out by large corporations. It also lacks human empathy so it does not care about minorities or the impoverished.

The Void is not looking out for you, or the country, or anyone. It has no opinions and has made no promises about what will happen if it is elected president. And everyone knows you can’t break your promises if you don’t make any. Frankly the Void doesn’t give a damn about politics or America or the people or democracy. Nor does it actually care if you vote for it. The Void doesn’t even notice we exist; it simply will continue to eat away at the universe until all is encompassed by its vast nothingness.

So this election season remember to support the candidate that stands for nothing, cares about nothing, strives for nothing and is nothing. Why not put your faith in the candidate that is going to win anyway because its power is indescribable with human words. Vote Void because your opinion doesn’t matter.

Post Author: tucollegian

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