Everyone had a favorite, and even if that favorite wasn’t Beyoncé, you’re probably too embarrassed to admit it now.
1. You’re in the precursor group to Destiny’s Child, Girl’s Tyme, and you just lost on the competitive TV show Star Search. What is your response?
A) Feel bad about it, but keep working hard, and go on to define popular music for a generation.
B) Shake it off, and eventually get on Time’s list of “100 Most Influential People” twice.
C) In several years, sample audio from the show in your hit song, “***Flawless.”
2. What outfit do you choose?
A) Sequined unitard.
B) Sequined sun goddess outfit.
C) Dress, braids, oversized hat, and lots of jewelry.
3. You’re making a music video. What do you do?
A) Perform a complex dance in heels, all in very few shots.
B) Make a political music video, with commentary on race and police brutality.
C) Film a black and white music video as an allegory about being cheated on.
4. If you were a recording artist, describe the dominant attitude of your fanbase.
A) Rabid.
B) Crazed.
C) Frenzied.
Mostly A: You’re Beyoncé!
Unrelated to our promise that you’d get Beyoncé at the end, you’re definitely Beyoncé! Your personality is most closely aligned to that of the member of Destiny’s Child who married Jay Z, whose voice was once called “one of the most compelling instruments in popular music.” I guess it’s a relief that you’re not Michelle Williams, and that you are definitely Beyoncé, the first Black woman to win the Pop Songwriter of the Year award.
Mostly B: You’re Beyoncé!
Wow! You’re Beyoncé, who went on to have an incredibly successful solo career, and not Kelly Rowland, who was once a judge on “The X Factor UK.” Due to your nuanced answers, we’ve determined that you’re basically the same person as Beyoncé Knowles, who once sold 80,000 copies of an album in three hours without any promotion, and not Kelly Rowland, who will be a judge on the sixth season of “The Voice Australia.”
Mostly C: You’re Scary Spice!
I know that we promised that everyone would get Beyoncé, but based on your answers, you’re not even a Destiny’s Child member at all. You’re Scary Spice, member of 90’s girl group The Spice Girls. Sorry, but we can’t hide the truth; you’re not Beyoncé, but instead one fifth of the group that’s best known for “Wannabe.”
