White boy raps along to “Gold Digger,” isn’t slowing down

Bam Seckmann, a junior computer science major, held a small but lively party this past weekend which was disrupted when one of his guests started singing along to the song “Gold Digger” by Kanye West.

The guest in question, Tanner Carthswell, is a 20 year old white male. Carthswell isn’t your average white guy, he’s what’s known as “mega-white.” Like I’m talking still wears a power balance bracelet white.

The party was going very well up to that point in the night. The drinks were flowing, the music was all bangers and somebody even brought pizza rolls.

When “Gold Digger” first came on most of the party simultaneously thought to themselves “While I don’t agree with the message of this song, I can still appreciate it musically. However because of some of the language used in the song, and the historical context of that language, I should refrain from singing it. “

Tragically, it appears Tanner was not on the same wavelength as the rest of the party. He believed the appropriate response to this song was to start rapping along to it, very loudly, and not with particularly correct timing either.

At first it was slightly amusing, if a bit uncomfortable, and everyone chuckled along to the lanky, basketball shorts-wearing, white boy rapping along to Ye.

However instead of just singing the Jamie Foxx intro and stopping, Carthswell continued into the hook without even pausing.

When he got to the second hook it became apparent to everyone he had no intention of stopping.

“It was the most awkward moment of my entire life,” said one guest who asked to remain nameless. “It was like watching someone push on a door that says pull.”

By the time the song ended the entire party was silent and motionless, all paralyzed from sheer awkwardness.

Thankfully the oven beeped, signalling the pizza rolls were ready, and the party continued jovially.

Seckmann has informed the State-Run that “Gold Digger” has been removed from the “Lit Party 100 100” playlist to prevent this situation in the future.

Post Author: tucollegian

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