Why I am pro recreational marijuana

Here are the top ten reasons to make weed legal on Tuesday, March 7. Visit https://okvoterportal.okelections.us/ to locate your polling location.

It makes the show “Velma” 12% more tolerable.

It’s still miserable, but try it sober. You’ll put your fist through the TV before you can say “ruh-roh.”

It is a win for gummy bear fans.

Regardless of the THC content, any increase in gummy bear production is bound to increase the quality of the gummy bears. It’s just basic economics. I would know, I took one econ class and have “entrepreneur” in my Instagram bio. Trust me.

Haha, George Constanza is funny.

He’s so silly. Don’t buy those envelopes, hehehe. “Serenity now!” Hehe. “George is getting upset!” Hehe.

Public stoners are way funnier than public drunkards.

It is way less of a bummer to see some people giggling in public than publicly urinating like a certain former president of TU.

It is a major boost for the Oklahoma food scene.

The new business will mainly reside in the domain of the ramen and chicken nugget genres but still.

More funding for the Oklahoma government through sin taxes.

Many Republicans who have spoken out against SQ820 have ignored the important positive of increased funding for their dastardly schemes. Whatever evil shit they are up to will be much easier with a bigger budget. What Orwellian nightmare they have in store would work better with some drug dealing money in their pocket. Honestly, I am starting to think we might just need to leave and get our weed elsewhere. This is exhausting.

Woah. Universe big.

That is a lot of stars and shit. We are all made of stuff that came from the Big Bang. Hehe, Big Bang. Hehehe. Imagine if it were a hairstyle which was just big bangs and nothing else. Bro that would be so crazy. Hehe.

Oklahoma might have a better music scene.

I am not saying the music scene here is currently bad, but after medicinal marijuana was passed we saw a drastic increase in our music scene’s quality. I cannot imagine why that would not also be the case for state question 820. Why not try?

Satire articles are much funnier when high.

This is especially true of satire written by college students. Professional satirists may be different, but I do not want anyone who is sober reading my articles. Nothing scares me more than a person with all their mental faculties readily available reading my articles.

It might help mass incarceration.

Who am I kidding, they will find some reason to throw minorities into jail. If there is one thing the Oklahoma government is adept at, it is racial profiling and mass incarceration. Competency elsewhere, however, continues to elude them somehow. Maybe weed could help?

Please vote, damn you. This is all I have. The Republicans already won everything else in this God-forsaken state. Just let me have this. I beg you.

I am not asking for much. Just let me drown my sorrows in “Scooby Doo” and chocolate chip cookies. Who is this hurting? Can I not just have a little treat? Please?

Post Author: Kyle Garrison