Why is Pat Case really closed?

Emergency repairs? Please.
An email was sent out late Thursday evening informing students that Pat Case Dining Center will be closed Friday and Saturday due to emergency repairs. Emergency repairs my ass. TU is known for their vague explanations when things go awry on campus. More often than not, they try to cover up the issue before it reaches student ears since we never let TU admin forget any inconvenience we’ve experienced, large or small. Here are the top seven reasons Pat Case is actually closed.
The entire staff quit
The hardworking people of Pat Case Dining Center do not get paid enough to deal with our shit. You would think that college students have figured out how to keep the food on their plates and off the floor. Spoiler alert — they haven’t. Not to mention how hard it is to serve you food when they can’t hear you. The mush mouths on this campus really need to speak up.
Everything was broken
Someone broke the ice cream machine on day two and the dishwasher has already died about five times this semester. It’s reasonable to assume the rest of the kitchen appliances were on their last leg. It can’t be helped.
A convoluted plan to stop meal trades entirely
Hear me out. Take away Pat Case and make every single student without a means to obtain real food go to the Student Union to eat for two days. We all get sick of eating the same disgustingly familiar food. Pat Case comes back and students rush to kiss the feet of Sodexo, bowing down to thine holiness, promising to never touch the food of the Union or its ilk ever again. Meal trade combos at the Union have slowly but surely disappeared. After this stunt, meal trades will soon be no more.
The McFarlin ghost got hungry
It’s that time of the year again where the McFarlin ghost comes out to terrorize students and faculty alike. Who knew the first scare of the season would take the form of putting Pat Case out of commission? Premature, if you ask me. Would’ve been funnier on Friday the 13th.
Cleaning the fountain drink machines
Those drink machines have definitely never been cleaned. Not once. Perhaps whoever is in charge of dining had a change of heart. I would say it’s Mel, since she was listed on the email, but I feel like bacteria swimming in our drinks is not a primary concern for an Associate VP for Campus Services.
Secret meeting at Pat Case
Admin and their secret affiliates must have needed a place to meet without the wandering eyes of students. Funneling them to the Union Faculty Club would have raised eyebrows. Shutting down the entire Union would have proved disastrous. This was the only logical option. The question remains: who is admin in cahoots with? My guess is whoever they’re paying off to win the football games.
Health code violation
Health inspectors came and did not like what they saw. Whether the roach problem infiltrated Pat Case or the cafeteria was simply not up to health code standards, who’s to say. After seeing the same desserts in the presidential suite at the football game at the dessert bar in Pat Case on the Friday following the game, who is surprised that they were shut down for two days?