For most Americans, Pi has a special place in their hearts. I know that, in my house at least, Thanksgiving is not over until at least three separate pi’s have been served. There are pi eating contests, pi throwing contests, we even have American Pi! It’s safe to say that this country is obsessed with pi. But what makes this delectable treat so special? What is it that separates 3.14 from every other delicious treat out there? Why is pi so much more popular than brownies? Well, even setting all its mouthwatering mathematical recipes aside, the real reason for pi’s success is simple: it’s a nice, round number.

Americans love round things. Baseballs, pizzas, monster truck wheels, disco balls. When someone is the best at something we give them a gold round thing to celebrate. We live on a giant round thing. Heck, we even celebrate our round thing taking a round journey around a bigger round thing by lowering a shiny round thing from the sky. And round numbers are no exception to this circle-centric attitude. And pi is, without a doubt, the roundest of round numbers. For instance, when rounded to the nearest whole number, pi is equal to 3, a number consisting of two round humps, as opposed to straight, unrounded numbers such as 4, or 1, or 71447114714774. This, combined with the inherently round nature of pi, (Have you ever been served a triangular pi?) well establishes pi’s roundness, explaining America’s infatuation with the tasty number.

Even if you have a disdain for pure mathematics, pi has something for everyone. The great John Evans, a comedian who got his start right here in Tulsa, acutely pointed out that if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter, the result is exquisite pumpkin pi. There are even theological connotations associated with the dessert, as the sum of the first 144 digits ( (6+6) x (6+6) ) are equal to 666, which many people use as evidence for a higher power, which they refer to as “Satan.” For more information about these Satanists, contact Fraser Kastner of “The State Run Media.”

As if you weren’t convinced already, in the theory of pi, a scientific theory the origins of which date back to some date before I was born, scientists have agreed upon 3.14 reasons why everyone should eat pi. First, creating a pi can tell us much about the inner workings of our universe. Carl Sagan illustrated this notion when saying, “If you want to make an apple pie [sic.] from scratch, you must first create the Universe.” Second, the Egyptians had the first recorded instance of pi. Current theories believe this heavenly treat was given to them by aliens, and by eating Pi, you are helping to reestablish contact with the aliens. Third, research has shown that Boston cream pi is not actually pi, and in reality just a cake in disguise. This pi-imitation only furthers the notion everything in the universe wishes to be pi. Finally, the latest data demonstrates pi should be able to cure cancer. In a quote from a famous scientist I read on one of my friend’s facebook wall, “It’s, uhh, truly amazing. I think this will completely revolutionize the way we do things. We’re living through some exciting stuff.”

And, for those asking, of course Tau is better is better than Pi. Why restrict yourself to one Pi when you can have two? Easy as Pi.