Artist’s rendition of GWB’s rendition of the Obamas’ portrait. Graphic by Michaela Flonard

5 reasons George W. Bush should have done the Obamas’ portraits

With controversy over the Obamas’ official portraits, it is clear that the portraits should have been painted by a more presidential painter.

1. George W. Bush has nothing else to do.
Let’s be honest: George has run out of things to do. It’s not like he has the power to start a war or benefit the rich anymore. He’s just chilling out, trying to learn how to paint. I think it would be very supportive and nice of the Obamas to help the man out. George has nothing left to accomplish or strive for — he was already the most powerful man in the world. What else could you possibly want from him? Now, as he takes a new approach to life, would it not be nice for Obama to come out and support a fellow former president?

2. He is the only artist who understands what the White House did to Obama.
The White House is full of unspeakable horrors. There is a reason that after one term Obama had gray hair. And not because the White House is sponsored by Touch of Gray for Men™. The White House contains many Eldritch horrors, like the ghost of Rutherford B. Hayes. It’s bad enough that the man had to deal with all the country’s problems, but he also could not get any sleep knowing what horrors were in his home.

3. He has to atone somehow.
George W. Bush, love him or hate him, has something he needs to make up to the world. I am not talking about being partially responsible for the decline of America, an awful president or a war criminal. I am talking about how he was marketed as “someone you could have a beer with,” despite never having a beer with the American people. He did not even begin to fulfill his campaign promises. He clearly should have gone out and gotten a beer with every American. Even if he only had a beer with half of Americans, we could call it good. Unfortunately, he comes nowhere close to that mark. A classic blunder from a politician not being able to do what he promised.

4. George W. Bush is a way better painter than any other currently alive president.
Jimmy Carter notoriously lost the painting competition with Bush, making George W. Bush the greatest painter among living former presidents. (Of course, the best painter of any former president goes to Coolidge, who always painted his feelings rather than expressing them, but alas he is no longer with us.) No one is left to challenge his painting ability, unless Bill Clinton decides to give it a go.

5. Democrats and Republicans would be forced into a bipartisan art agreement, finally mending the broken political system in our country.
Now, Democrats and Republicans have never really seen eye to eye, but with such a display of bipartisan agreement, they would ultimately be forced to agree that the president’s portraits don’t actually matter. Then they will probably fight each other over real issues, and then maybe they will actually compromise.

Post Author: Conner Maggio