5 things I learned while high on spring break

Over this spring break, we all had some fun, did some things we regret, but the most important thing is the lessons that we learned along the way. My lessons were all learned the easy way: using hard drugs, sometimes many hard drugs simultaneously, but always responsibly.

1. During my trip to El Paso, after huffing two cans of spray paint from a sock, I learned that I could get mad tax credit if I totalled up all of my charitable contributions throughout the year, including all of the food I had purchased and prepared for the various charity events I hosted. Now, I keep a record in my personal finance excel sheet that I update throughout the year. It’s a mild hassle, but I usually just keep my receipts and update my sheet quarterly. Always remember that you can count out-of-pocket costs on your taxes while doing work for a charity, which can include anything from stamps to tolls for any philanthropic trips.

2. While railing nose beers in Cabo with a $100 bill, I came to the realization that I needed to do more chores in my daily life. I just wasn’t washing my sheets enough, once every fortnight is not frequent enough and could even lead to acne and general grossness. Nobody wants their room dirty but also nobody wants to vacuum — that’s why I vacuum every Sunday. Remember: Chores are only boring if you make them boring. I love to try and invent new and creative games to play with myself during my daily household work. For example, I love to count all the tiles that I have vacuumed, or how many times I have filled my dishes with water while washing them.

3. After taking 6000% of my daily vitamin B12 I found a way to incorporate a new one turn kill combo that hasn’t been banned yet into my Magic: the Gathering deck. I can’t share it with you because I’m about to go to a regional competition and use it there. Just trust me when I say it’s a real doozy.

4. At the Louvre, immediately after falling down the slippery slope with some left-handed cigarettes, I figured that if I kept a schedule I could plan out my time and use it more wisely. Now I am trying to follow a more strict sleep schedule that follows closely with my circadian rhythm. The best advantage of this is planning my free time, I can use it for anything I want. How exciting is that?

5. While sipping morphine in the Himalayas I learned that although people think of finding inner peace as some big revelation, sometimes the peace comes in little pieces and that is just fine. I may not be experiencing peace right now but I know that with age my heart will settle down and I can be more at ease. I’m just waiting for the good times to come. It isn’t a bad way to live but it is a very temporary way to live. I can’t live my life living from one moment to the next forever, but living like that right now (in my early 20’s) is fine.

Post Author: tucollegian

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