An increase in the number of 8 a.m. classes students are required to take will improve the quality of lectures, modernize student fashion and have no ill effects on campus mental health.
The beloved 8 a.m. makes its way into the average TU student’s schedule once a year or so. Some lucky students get to experience the magic of an 8 a.m. once a semester or more, but some never do. This is a problem.
The University of Tulsa should deprive students from sleep, not 8 a.m classes. Early classes help students regret staying up late the night before, facilitating a better campus with students who go to bed on time.
Seeing students half-dressed and hungover early in the morning will surely brighten the faculty’s day. The more students sleeping through their first class of the day, the better the lectures they miss.
Consider the increase of Monster sales on campus. The vending machines would be used again, and students would enjoy that all day caffeine rush. We would be the most energetic campus community in Tulsa.
Student Stella Hastings gave her thoughts on the issue.
“Well, 8 a.m. classes are just dandy because…” She nodded off to sleep before being woken up to finish the interview. She continued. “Because golly, I think not getting enough sleep is just swell!” She expressed a sentiment every student should connect with. After all, college students enjoy not sleeping because it increases their productivity.
Some naysayers have expressed that more 8 a.m. classes would be a detriment to students’ mental health. However, the smart students on campus know sleep has no connection with mental health. An interview attempt with one such enlightened student failed because he hallucinated some rather disturbing images during the questioning.
Perhaps the most controversial topic in the idea of more 8 a.m classes comes a certain strain of radicals who want fewer 8 a.m. classes. This rebellious rabble has been trying to burn down the establishment TU students know and love.
“Long live the revolution!” commented one such follower of the “No 8 a.m.” insurrection. He declined to say anything else of intelligence and insisted on rambling on about logical arguments and a better school.
One last reason to increase the number of 8 a.m. classes: the 8 a.m. outfits. Students enjoy wearing pajama bottoms with a top from last night, and their hair resembling a work of modern art. With their brains not yet functioning, the outfits fit the occasion.
This may only be the beginning. Many students hope that this movement, faculty permitting, will pave the way for the next big thing at TU: the 7 a.m. class.