Add some heat under your sheets: try out a new sleeping position! graphic by Sarah Le

7 (sleeping) positions to revolutionize your nightlife

Wanna spice things up in the bedroom? Try out these hawt positions tonight.

We’ve all experienced the worst feeling known to mankind: being bored in bed. If you are looking for something new and exciting to try in the bedroom, here are some sleeping positions that could potentially change your life.

1. The Shrimp – Lay on your side with your body in a curve, arms and knees curled up close to your chest. This position is great when you don’t want to knock things off your bed with your long human legs, and you can pretend you have 26 tiny shrimp legs instead. Try out this sleeping position tonight to wake up feeling pink and refreshed!

2. The Greedy Dragon – Improve both your confidence and your quality of sleep by sprawling out over your bed, as if you were a greedy dragon guarding a pile of treasure. Lie with your body face-down and your arms and legs hungrily clenching the sheets. By asserting dominance over your bed, you can easily conquer restless nights. Grr!

3. The Captain ‘Cane – Don’t waste your money on essential oils and expensive pillows to bribe your body into falling asleep. If you’re going to spend money on anything, invest in a silky, luxurious blindfold for times like this. Put the blindfold over your eyes and tie a blanket around your neck like a cape. You are now virtually Captain ‘Cane! Stick your fist straight up into the air like a superhero soaring through the sky and be prepared to reign in some zzz’s.

4. The Crammer – Studying hard for an exam but don’t have the time or energy to hop into bed and get some sleep? No problem. Remain sitting at your desk and lay your head down. Instead of using your arms or books as a pillow, place your 10-pound textbooks right on top of your head to cram your head between your books and desk, and you will drift off in no time.

5. The “Old U” – Tired of having to walk across Dietler Commons five times a day to attend all your classes? Ugh! We all are. At the end of the night, summon back all the energy you lost crossing the Old U by positioning your body to resemble crosswalks on the commons. Lay flat and spread your arms and legs out into the shape of an “X” and the next day you’ll have enough energy to cross Dietler Commons ten times!

6. The “T-U” – Having a sleepover with some friends? Everybody is guaranteed to have a good night with this position. Make sure your friends are comfortable with some light contact because everyone must be connected in mind and body in order to harvest the full potential of the “T-U.” Two people will lay perpendicular to each other to form a “T” and the others will bend to form a “U”.
Be warned, do not break this formation during the night or else President Clancy will instantly be summoned to your sleepover (watch out: he hates it when this happens and will mention it in his next email). When the “T-U” is pulled off properly, everyone will awaken the next day fully rested with a ravenous sense of school spirit!

7. Literally the Number 7 – This position is like The Shrimp, but instead your body is bent into the shape of the number seven. Lay down on your right side and bend your body so you are shaped like the lucky number. If you’re adventurous (rawr!), you can try the European style of Literally the Number 7 (make sure to turn on incognito mode before Googling this one). This position guarantees you will get at least seven hours of sleep, so don’t try it if you are planning on taking a nap.

You may find a little more about yourself after trying one or all these positions, and, hopefully, you are inspired to try out some new positions of your own. Don’t forget, sleep is important and free!

Post Author: Sarah Le