I’ve been in an unrequited love spiral with a good friend on campus for almost 4 years now. I find excuses to hang out with him and it’s pretty obvious I’d do anything for him. I think he knows but I want to be emotionally honest and talk about it directly before we both graduate. How do I approach this conversation without getting my heart stomped on?
Miserable in Mayo
I think I’m supposed to tell you to consider the importance of your friendship. But I am a hopeless romantic and I believe that love is worth the risk.
As far as not getting your heart stomped on, well, I think that’s another risk you’ll have to take. Telling another person that you have feelings for them, especially strong feelings such as your own, is one of the scariest things we have to do in this life. Be brave! You won’t know how your friend feels until you ask. For all you know, he has no idea that you’re in love with him and might be taken completely by surprise.
If your friend does know, it could be that he’s just too shy to say anything. Unfortunately, the flip side of that is the possibility that he’s looking for a way to let you down easy. Either way, it seems like this guy really cares about you as a friend and doesn’t want to hurt or insult you by making assumptions about your feelings.
At the end of the day, I think it’s important to tell people how we truly feel about them. Rejection and heartache are really scary, but just think of the happiness to come if things do work out between the two of you! If you do find yourself facing rejection, at least you will have made an honest effort with him.
Being in love with your best friend is heartbreaking in its own right. But my mom always says that what is meant to be will be, and I’m inclined to believe her. I wish you the best of luck and I hope that your heart is happy no matter what the two of you decide.
I have a friend who is constantly comparing my relationship to hers. It’s almost like she thinks her life is perfect and that everyone around her should be modeling themselves after her. I’m so sick of hearing her talk about how I should try to do more things with my boyfriend that she does with hers. How do I tell her to stop talking to me like this without losing her as a friend?
Tired of Little Miss Perfect
Tell her that she really hurts your feelings when she compares your relationships, and remind her that your love story doesn’t have to look like anybody else’s. If she doesn’t respond well, then find a new friend.
In all seriousness, your friend might actually be feeling insecure about her own relationship. Check in with her and see how she’s really doing. You should still express to her that your feelings have been hurt, but try to be gentle about it.
She also might be one of those people who thinks they have it all figured out. If your friend really does just think her relationship is better than yours, then that’s her problem, not yours.
Don’t subject yourself to an unhealthy friendship. Obviously, if your friend is suffering quietly, you should do your best to help her. Otherwise, I encourage you to seek more supportive and loving friends.