Aries (March 21-April 19): Allergy season approacheth Aries. The trees covered in their beautiful yellow are blooming across campus, and the pollen that comes off of them will make mucus of your nostrils. Beware the yellow dust covering your car, but celebrate your birthday with a sniffle or seven, as this year marks a change […]
Aries (March 21-April 19): Are you a psychopath, a cereal killer, or are you just really into post-modern art Aries. Either way your fits are atrocious, your music taste is mid, and you probably prefer to eat your cereal with water first, then cereal on top. And you like rice krispies, you flavor-fearing-freak. Taurus (April […]
Aries (March 21-April 19): Embrace your inner rodent this week, Aries. You have both the physical and mental energy of a New York subway tunnel rat, and you should flaunt that with confidence. Who cares what anyone thinks of your stench, you’re too cool jumping turnstiles and avoiding fines to take notice. Taurus (April 20-May […]
Aries (March 21-April 19): You are on fire this week Aries. No literally, watch out for spontaneously combusting, that’s generally seen by 9 out of 10 dermatologists as a bad way to exfoliate. Invest in some Cerave or Lancôme products instead. That 1 dermatologist is really weird too, so don’t listen to them. Taurus (April […]
Aries (March 21-April 19): Double whammy UTI and depressive episode this week Aries. Go drink some cranberry juice and ponder how “refusing to break the seal” for 36 hours might have ended up with you getting beaten up by your bladder, and losing. Taurus (April 20-May 20): Big gas station energy this week Taurus, so […]
Aries (March 21-April 19): Big rock collecting energy this week Aries. Gravel bits, asphalt, some shale… just stay away from the “rocks” that come from animals, we know you can’t tell the difference between a rock and animal dung, so use your 5 senses for once. Taurus (April 20-May 20): Chicken Tender Champion right here. […]
Aries (March 21-April 19): Move on from your long lost love life loser, I won’t give you any pity and neither will the world. Grow up and transition to the understanding that you’re going to grow old alone. Maybe even in a nursing home. Taurus (April 20-May 20): Feeling indecisive this week? You aren’t alone […]
With the recent plan to facelift Lottie Jane Mabee Hall totalling $420,000, the building sits in disrepair, with communal restrooms in a sad state. The staff at The Collegian have lost housing rights on campus due to frustration with housing situations, and have moved into the West side of Lottie Jane to make up for […]
Aries (March 21-April 19): How do you feel about spending Valentine’s Day alone? I hope you see a dozen happy couples experiencing a happy day, and you have to watch them, alone. Or go to QT and grab six egg rolls, happiness comes from QT, not a relationship. Taurus (April 20-May 20): Let’s focus on […]
Aries (March 21-April 19): On behalf of all of those who interact with you, thank you for recognizing your narcissism. It is difficult attempting to work with someone who refuses to acknowledge who they are, but at least you know your family “tree” is better defined as a cactus. Taurus (April 20-May 20): Let’s focus […]