Mandatory alcohol training inspires drinking game

The mandatory training on alcohol safety is due next Wednesday. Here’s a new training-based drinking game to get you through the slog. The due date for the “Alcohol Awareness for Students” training is coming up fast. I know how much of a hassle this can be, especially when it takes up valuable time that could […]

We all thought this was some narc nonsense, but wow, he looks cool as fuck. graphic by Kyle Garrison

Governor Stitt bans alcohol, legalizes recreational LSD, weed and shrooms

Kevin Stitt shocks the state of Oklahoma with the legalization of Schedule 1 drugs and his insistence that “only pussies dont toke it up.” In a surprise move, Oklahoma governor Kevin Stitt issued an executive order, effective immediately, legalizing recreational weed, LSD and magic mushrooms. Alcohol, on the other hand, is now illegal. “I tried […]

You’re still struggling? Jesus fucking Christ ….

TU administration assures students their mental health is definitely totally 100% a priority for someone. The question of how student mental health affects academic performance has many components and varied opinions. This discussion often overlooks the obvious question. Why the fuck are you still struggling, we have be at this for six whole weeks? Just […]

Ah, fuck, not the smoke bomb trick again. We really need to check administration’s defense budget. Graphic by Anna Johns

TU Administration shrugs off COVID-19 concerns

Amidst the spread of the contagious Delta variant, TU offers advice to older professors teaching in-person classes: “Ah, well. Good luck.” The University of Tulsa, well known for its foolproof and incredibly well-liked plans, has issued a new comprehensive statement for its older professors: “Oof, sorry about that, I wish you the best, but there […]