Following what TU Campus Security described as the “brutal murder and dismemberment” of an electric scooter last week, new rules…
Big News: Sunlight Cures Depression
Ladies and gents, I have reached a most stunning conclusion this past weekend: depression does not exist! I stepped outside…
Voter Disenfranchisement: Reps vs. Dems
Many people believe that their vote doesn’t matter. “They’re right of course,” said Sara Serrano, very hip TU republican. “The…
Doctors worry Trump may have infected Biden during the debate, point to hot makeout session as source.
Everyone who sat through the first presidential debate last Tuesday can agree that tensions between the candidates were incredibly high.…
Biden wins every county in Okla. Democratic primary
Joe Biden won 10 of the 14 Super Tuesday states, now leading the total Democratic delegates ahead of Bernie Sanders.…
Letter from the Propagandist
My dearest loyal subjects (of voting age), It is my great pleasure to announce the State-Run Media’s 2020 presidential endorsement.…
One grande latte, hold the bureaucracy
A simple question leaves me cutting through a jungle of red tape. I’m nearly there, dear reader. Answers are hard…
Giuliani accidentally woos reporter, spills incriminating secrets
I think I’ve found the love of my life … and some shit about Trump. I’ve met someone. No, I’m…
Anime “Perfect Blue” explores toxic fan culture
Circle Cinema screened “Perfect Blue” for Anime Club, delving into the idea of obsessive adoration of pop culture idols. Fangirl…
Why is no one asking me about my screenplay?
I’m far too talented to be treated like this. This is absolutely ridiculous. I’ve been sitting in this coffee shop…
