As the esteemed satire editor at The Collegian, I would like to welcome all first-year students to our quirky little campus. I know you all will make the university and your parents proud — that is if you are a CS major who ends up working for a military contractor, otherwise they will be most ashamed. I thought I would write this list of the best and worst study spots on campus because I wish someone would have given me this sage advice when I was a freshman. I cannot count the number of times that I tried to study in a janitor’s closet or in the bushes outside of McFarlin because I did not have a resource like this. I hope this list helps you navigate this strange new chapter of binge-drinking that is college.
Best Study Spots:
McFarlin Library Reading Rooms: This historic and scenic spot boasts of a central location and a beautiful view of downtown Tulsa. Despite it being very well-known, it will always feel secluded because, let’s be honest, you have met your classmates and are well aware they can’t read.
The sidewalk by frat row: This is actually a better nap spot than study spot because of how few lights there are. In fact, with so little light pollution, I would highly recommend utilizing this very safe and scenic location for stargazing. You can also study there if you want and, if you’re lucky, you can find one of the many test answer sheets stolen from past classrooms littered across frat house lawns.
The Collegian office in Oliphant Hall 110 at 5 p.m. every Monday: You won’t regret it! Probably!
The 3rd floor men’s bathroom in Chapman Hall: This is a great place to study if you don’t look at what is printed on the ceiling.
Atop the new lawn mower robots: Nowhere else on campus will you have a more thrilling view of our proud university’s poorly mowed lawn and poorly spent tuition money.
Anywhere off campus: Escape while you still can.
The basement of Hardesty Hall: There is only enough oxygen down there for one person so you shouldn’t have to worry about being bothered.
Worst Study Spots:
Campus Ministry groups: They may save your soul, but they won’t leave you alone for one God-damned second.
McFarlin Library stacks: What are you? A nerd?
The Interrogation Chamber: This secluded spot located behind a fake bookcase in Collins Hall would be ideal due to its central location and soundproofed walls but unfortunately is always reserved by Brad Carson who uses it to waterboard anyone found with a candle on campus.
Sorority row (as a man): You will be shot on sight. It is so hard being a white man on campus. I am so oppressed. This is Joe Biden’s America.
Sorority row (as a woman): If you don’t have one already, you will get an eating disorder.
Sorority row (as a non-binary person): I’d stay away just to be safe. These are uncharted waters.
Your dorm room: If your roommate would ever do their laundry then maybe you would have enough space to study here but since they think their mom is still here to clean up after them, I guess you will have to study elsewhere.
Anywhere on campus: The asbestos is distracting.