Ladies and gents, I have reached a most stunning conclusion this past weekend: depression does not exist!
I stepped outside the other day into the warming sunlight and felt a most peculiar sensation. Hope? Joy? Happiness? I’m not quite sure, but it certainly felt good, much better than I’d felt in a long time.
I was “diagnosed” with depression a year ago and was familiar with the perpetual sadness and lack of motivation associated with it. It permeated my entire life and seemed like it would last forever. But I have seen the error of my ways! My depression was but a figment of my imagination!
The change in seasons has made that clear to me now. I feel better now that I can actually see the sun, so I must have never been depressed in the first place, right? Right?
I now understand those once incredulous Instagram posts. Fitness influencer Kayla was right: all I needed to cure my depression was to eat right, drink water and get some sun. I can’t wait to tell my therapist how wrong she’s been. Honestly, what she’s been doing is almost malpractice. Should I sue her?
I’m currently dumping my meds down the toilet to fully embrace my new life. Goodbye Abilify, hello yoga! I would encourage all of you to do the same. I mean, if depression is fake, maybe all “mental illnesses” are too! Like, no, you are bipolar. You just need to hit the gym again!
Join me in this wondrous new world, free from those PC, leftist, mental health toting wannabe activists. It’s beautiful out here in the sun.