Mass shooting solution: Ban people

Banning guns is out of the question, so obviously we should ban any and all targets. Congress, in its ultimate wisdom, has found a way to preserve the safety of the public. A new series of laws passed by Congress aims to prevent mass shootings by getting rid of large crowds. This means no concerts, […]

Horoscopes

Gather round, ye olde Pagans! As Taurus enters Uranus (or is that the other way around … I’m new at this) we’re diving deep into our sun signs to survive the week. Aries – Aries Targaryen You are determined to catch up on Game of Thrones this week, even though you still haven’t actually started […]

The new dipping sauce will be available at the ACSU starting this week. graphic by Naomi Dunn

Chick-fil-A supports “Strait Pride”

The highly anticipated new Chick-fil-A sauce has been released, but not without its opponents. In a mostly welcomed surprise, Chick-fil-A has decided to debut a new sauce at select locations, one being their location in the University of Tulsa’s Allen Chapman Student Union. However, their decision has had its opponents. The new sauce is a […]

All scientists* agree that smoking is much better for your lungs than vaping. graphic by Naomi Dunn

Smoking healthy alternative to vaping

With new informatiom emerging about vaping dangers, it’s time to return to the original cancer causer. With all the buzz in the media about vaping killing people and being bad for your lungs, it can be so hard to get your hourly nicotine fix without feeling as though the world, and your body, is judging […]

The future of media consumption is bright. graphic by Naomi Dunn

Streaming service market remains unsaturated

You know what we really need? More subscription-based media services! Apple now has a streaming service called Apple TV+. Since apparently their board members don’t believe the market for media services is already oversaturated, here are some examples of other companies followed suit! Wal-Mart TV PLUS – That’s right! You can now watch a Wal-Mart […]

SpoTUfy is the new best way to listen to your favorite local TU rappers. graphic by Naomi Dunn

ConnectTU: Big Brother or your new best friend?

Don’t listen to the critics: the ConnectTU app is a godsend in convenience. Since orientation week, the University of Tulsa has been pushing for widespread adoption of its new Professional Super App, ConnectTU, much to the chagrin of many upperclassmen. Across campus, students are resisting TU’s big brother approach to monitor student activity and refusing […]

The respectable defeat finally gave the Caniacs a reason to cheer. graphic by Naomi Dunn

Golden Hurricane loses game 28-7: TU fans rejoice!

Underdog Tulsa beats the odds and only loses football game by 21 points! The Tulsa Golden Hurricanes kicked off their season last Friday on the road against Michigan State, losing their season opener by a final score of 28-7. The Spartans, ranked eighteenth in the nation, were heavily favored entering the game, manhandling TU’s offence […]

graphic by Naomi Dunn

Black hole manifests in US West washing machine

Maintenance called to repair a singularity that materialized in a TU student apartment. At approximately 0300 hours on Sunday, Sept. 2, the physical plant received a maintenance request. It was filed away automatically from the housing system records, ready to be distributed across campus to the workers that dutifully show up at 0700 hours sharp […]

Unable to schedule an appointment, this student is taking therapy into their own hands. graphic by Emma Palmer

TU therapist shortage spurs spike in student self-help

Professional help unavailable, students turn to drastic physical change to help their mental health. As the school year starts to ramp up (week three means at least two hours of reading a night, after all), friends and acquaintances are starting to finally catch up. Questions of “how was your summer?” and ‘“what have you been […]