“Evacuate? In our moment of triumph?” Pence asks stormtrooper

Indiana Governor Mike Pence, who is second in command of the Death Star, held a press conference today to shoot down any rumors that he would be having his shuttle prepared for evacuation from the Trump campaign. “This is the greatest campaign ever constructed, and it’s almost fully operational,” Pence told reporters and queasy campaign aides regarding about the state of the presidential run.

The rumors of Pence abandoning ship came after a video was released on Friday that showed Donald Trump force-grabbing women and pulling them towards him. Trump defended himself, saying, “It was Jedi-Academy pranks, nothing more. I’m sorry I did it, but we have more important issues to focus on. The Rebel Alliance is threatening to overthrow the United States Empire!”

That defense was not sufficient for some Galactic Senators however, who have since pulled their support from Trump. Pence and several other Trump supporters in the Empire government restated their support, however, and it appears his campaign will continue.

At this time, it is unclear how Trump’s comments affected his polling among female stormtroopers, a demographic he must do well with if he plans to win in November.

Trump was also reported saying he felt a disturbance in the force, “as if 33,000 emails all cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened.” A Bothan spy committee is investigating this event.

Post Author: tucollegian

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