Having completed his first semester as a free-range, Taco Bell-fed college freshman, Billy Nash is now knowledgeable of all the “important” aspects of university life. Having achieved a respectable 2.3 GPA in his first semester while still participating in totally safe and responsible activities 6 nights a week, a Certificate of General Awareness will be bestowed upon him when he graduates sometime in the next three to five years.
The University of Tulsa prides itself on educating fledgling bachelors to maintain the minimum level of cleanliness, social ability and nutrition to keep themselves from being shunned by society or dying of malnutrition.
Because of all the professional networking he engaged in over the past six months, Nash is expected to fly out of academia right into a stable cubicle job at an oil and gas corporation.
With his freshly obtained knowledge of things like when ACAC stops serving food and the general locations of nearly all campus facilities, Nash considers himself “basically an expert on life”. This reporter didn’t have the heart to tell him otherwise.
A general forum will be held in Chapman Hall during which Nash will answer any and all questions, or you can simply engage in conversation with another student and he may butt in and bring you up to speed.