Gays cause earthquakes

I’ve been hearing some talk recently that the recent increase in the number of earthquakes in Oklahoma is because of fracking by oil companies. I don’t see any reason that injecting water, sand and chemicals at high pressures into rock could ever be related to earthquakes in any way. That makes no sense, and I’m going to tell you why.

I’ve been imbued with the truth behind these earthquakes. God himself has spoken to me and instilled in me the knowledge of the reason behind our earth trembling. Just think about it: Oklahoma has experienced an increasing amount of earthquakes these past couple years. You know what else has increased in Oklahoma… the number of gay marriages! This correlation is clearly a proof of causation, because there is no possible way those two phenomena are coincidental. Anyone who claims otherwise has clearly been misled by the social justice warriors.

Now many of my contemporaries have made some very convincing, biblical arguments saying that God sent the earthquakes because of fracking. They claim that mankind isn’t married to the Earth, and therefore shouldn’t be fracking her. While I respect those people with differing opinions, their interpretation of the Bible is completely incorrect. In Genesis, God said unto Adam “look at all that is around you, all this and more is yours to frack”. And in Leviticus when God said man shall not lay with man, unless those two men are laying down on the ground figuring out the best way to frack it.

So checkmate, fracking naysayers. Not only do I have cold hard logic on my side, but I also have the word of God. I have seen through your false prophecy and proclaimed the truth of God. And He says keep on fracking, as long as you’re not gay.

Post Author: tucollegian

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *