Goldie desperately looking for love

With the recent (ish) completed construction of the computer lab, it has recently seen some serious action. Our secondary mascot Goldie was spotted swiping right on every single four legged creature on the new hit app Pawmates.
TU student Callie Hummel witnessed this mass swiping and was quoted saying, “Goldie is looking really desperate. For a school mascot she sure doesn’t get a lot of likes on Pawmates, and even my dog swiped left on Goldie. Skye has high standards, and Goldie doesn’t even come close to reaching those.”
For the dog that gets attention any time she walks around our campus, she sure is seeking out a lot of it from this new app.
Pawmates is “your friendly neighborhood dog meetup app! Match, chat and meet the dogs and their owners near you using geolocation.” This app promises to introduce pets and their owners to other dogs, veterinarians and pet food stores, which is a great thing as Goldie is constantly out and about among the masses of students on the TU campus.
Since Goldie is the mascot who gets pet by every student on our campus, hopefully she’s up to date on her shots, especially with the most recent date that Goldie had. Witnesses spotted Goldie on a date with Brad Carsons dog Chad Carson, a golden retriever who wears a signature red firefighters hat and looks nearly identical to Goldie besides his massive muscles.
Carson has sworn up and down that his dog is not on steroids, but who can be sure when TU student Shelby Hiens spotted a bottle of stanozolol, a hormone derived from testosterone that can be used to build muscle, create weight gain and red blood cells in dogs.
Chad and Goldie were seen on a romantic getaway to the Hurricane Market, where Goldie graciously paid for all of Chad’s clif bars. After their getaway, they were spotted prancing across the Chapman Commons and splashing through the fountain. To round out their date, Goldie and Chad went to McFarlin library, and spotted a scootering student in the McFarlin atrium pit, yet both pups refused to stop and help this student out of the dried up moat.
Not even 2 hours after this date, Goldie was seen swiping her paws yet again on Pawmates. Goldie’s student handler Tammi Morellano confirmed that she has indeed been swiping all the time, and said, “Goldie stole my laptop and locked me out of my dorm because I wouldn’t let her buy Pawmates Select, a 500 dollar monthly subscription with unlimited swipes.”
Goldie was seen swiping left on a multitude of dogs on campus, including Deric Flores, Winston the corgi, Tamera the terrier, Doug the dalmatian, any dogs that frequent Fisher East, and any football associated dogs, especially Wevin Kilson’s dog, as the smell of taking L’s makes her run away.
In the computer lab, Goldie was seen swiping right on Peter the pug, as Peter Nguyen is the nicest dog owner on this campus.
Carson and Chad have some serious competition as Goldie is gearing up for a series of cute dates with fall photoshoots around the corner. Who is going to be her pumpkin patch partner?

Post Author: Alex Soeder