COVID's all bark and no bite. graphic by Emma Palmer

Goldie trained to detect COVID

With the winter season in tow, the University of Tulsa continues its hypervigilance in catching and preventing the spread of COVID-19 on campus. Returning students are required to take a COVID-19 test, and, phew, the Board truly underestimated how much tests cost.

We have been honest with our students regarding our deficit and money hemorrhaged. As usual, we taken into account the concerns of the students and staff, and we finally elected to ignore any consensus faculty receives. The Board gave us the go ahead, and that’s just showbiz, baby.

Having budgetary issues in mind, we have been advised by the state health department on how to secure a cost-effective means for testing that was still accurate. Fortunately, TU did not have to look any further than who was already on campus: Goldie, a famous part of the Canine Ambassador Program, will be administering the anterior nasal swab.

When an expert from the Oklahoma State Department of Health heard our proposal, he blew his smoke and shrugged. “Sounds cool,” the expert said. The department’s wisdom was invaluable; after all, Oklahoma has received praise for its quick acting in virus prevention. $2 million spent on hydroxychloroquine proves Oklahoma’s devotion to its citizens, and TU strives to act with as much attention and care.

Of course, we hear your concerns about leaving a dog in charge, and we take them into consideration. However, if Dog with a Blog could do what he did, we think Goldie will be perfectly fine in her new medical practice. She has been trained accordingly; not only does she know how to shake, but she can carefully balance nasal swabs in her paws while giving a comforting, personable service to our students and staff.

Goldie isn’t entirely aware of what a pandemic is necessarily, but she knows duty and responsibility. Each day, she puts her personal protection equipment on with the gusto of a young pup, snout held high to the air in practiced confidence that money just can’t buy. Her work is rewarded with treats and rubs at the end of the day, so there’s definitely some labor incentive.

Students can schedule an appointment online. For your convenience, Goldie offers drive-thru and walk-up diagnostic testing – and she does it all with a wag of a tail.

Post Author: Anna Johns