Rudy McRoadhog behind bars for breaking the Golden Rule: drive as one would wish others to drive. graphic by Conner Maggio

Hand wavin’ heathen handcuffed

Foreign trucker breaks longstanding Oklahoma tradition and awaits trial.

Rudy “Chad” McRoadhog, a trucker from Ohio, passed through Oklahoma last weekend Oct. 3, 2018 and found himself in jail the next morning.

McRoadhog neglected to make the mandatory hand-wave to a driver who let him into the right lane. The trucker reportedly wished to turn on to I-244 from Delaware Street in Tulsa.

“I am so confused!” said McRoadhog. “I was haulin’ my semi and minding my own business. Some nice lady slowed down to let me in, and then I turned around and drove onto the highway. Next thing I know, some cops appear. I thought they couldn’t be for me since I did nothing wrong.”

After the trucker merged into the highway, he made it around two miles before the police stopped him with a roadblock. McRoadhog came quietly, so the SWAT team never had to leave their armored car. A beat cop present at the arrest gave his account.

“The suspect kept yelling about how he was innocent,” said the officer. “We told him to ‘tell it to the judge’ because that’s what they say in the movies, but he kept talking. We may be dealing with a full blown Code Blue 42: serial non-waver. He could be a dangerous sociopath.”

With the trial set for Nov. 22, there is plenty of time for the politics of the issue to stir in public opinion.

“Can we charge a man for a law he was unaware of?” said Michael Manesia, McRoadhog’s lawyer. “He’s from Ohio, he couldn’t have known! I am not disputing that such an offense is grave and deserves the death penalty, nor am I saying that it is an okay thing to do. But I simply do not think he should be charged with a law of which he never knew.”

But some see the issue differently.

“The law is the law! We can’t have people not waving to each other during traffic. That law was passed on April 20, 1969 for a reason, and letting this man go will send almost 60 years of enforcing the rule go down the drain,” said State Prosecutor Conner David.

Some say that perhaps the penalty for not waving should be reduced, but neglecting to wave should be kept illegal. Either way, the case will set a precedent for drivers visiting Oklahoma.

“Local folk like me don’t care where you’re from. You wouldn’t go to Canada and disrespect the queen would you? Well, don’t come to Oklahoma and break our laws,” said local small business owner Lisa Jolene Rocks.

She, like many of the older residents, want to keep to the old ways. Many claim that relaxing the law will open the floodgates for other rules to be loosened, changing the Oklahoma way of life.

Still, there are those, primarily the younger voters, that promote legalization entirely.

“Like, why even worry man. Don’t punish a person for being themselves, man,” said local teenager Jimmy Smith. She had to leave the interview early to catch a sale on My Chemical Romance merch and chokers from Hot Topic.

Whatever happens to McRoadhog, the future of traffic courtesy hangs in the balance as his trial approaches.

Post Author: Brennen Gray