Aries (Mar. 21 – Apr. 19): You will be putting energy
towards things that do not matter. Realize that nobody
cares about the marathon you are training for and give
up. Do you really think your professor is going to read
all 4,000 words of your essay? Probably not. It’s okay
to give yourself a long break. Especially when you have
homework due.
Taurus (Apr. 20 – May 20): This week is going to be long
and exhausting. No matter how much rest you give your-
self, there is no point in hoping for the best. You are go-
ing to end the week hopeless and ready for the next one.
Gemini (May 21 – Jun. 20): You will walk away from
every conversation wondering why the other person
never had the chance to say anything. You will think
about the conversation and realize that you did all the
talking. If the other person wanted to talk, they would.
Don’t stress over it. Just make sure to overcompensate
for their silence in your next conversation.
Cancer (Jun. 21 – Jul. 22): Your crab is in alignment af-
ter the full moon! Pay attention! This week will be very
itchy. Remember to wash your sheets and do your laun-
dry. Limit the amount of visitors to your dorm.
Leo (Jul. 23 – Aug. 22): This week has the chance to
bring you immense happiness if you don’t miss it. Keep
an eye out, because if you miss it, there will be no other
chances. Immense happiness is overrated anyways.
Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22): This week you can expect a
lot of situations that test your ego. Your response to the
situation will result in extreme backlash. Virgos, don’t
worry, we’ve all been there.
Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22): Libras! You will undergo dras-
tic changes that will affect every aspect of your life. Don’t
worry about it.
Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21): If you’re a Scorpio, expect
your week to be filled with the worst of adventure and
disappointment. You are truly going to have the worst
week. Expect bird poop on your car, stepping on gum
and your debit card declining. You might have some good
moments, but don’t be fooled. It’s okay though, just relax
and realize that you deserve every little thing that is com-
ing your way.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21): People just don’t under-
stand the situation. That’s okay. Gaslighting is this cool
tool that works when trying to convey your point. Don’t
worry what others think of you, they are wrong.
Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19): Create a ten step routine.
Follow that ten step routine every day. Maybe then noth-
ing will go wrong.
Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18): Uranus, your ruling sign,
might be a little stressed after all the pressure it took on
last week. So maybe take it easy and take a break from
the Tex-Mex this week.
Pisces (Feb. 19 – Mar. 20): The full moon last week trans-
formed Ppisces into werewolves. Keep a dog bowl handy
and make sure to stock up on the dog food, as it might be
awhile before coming back to your true form.
