1. “Nah man, that’s some shit”
2. “Damnit, I’m moving to [insert country here]. They have [insert government policy or entity]. Plus I hear [insert natural or man-made landmark] is absolutely breathtaking. And boy do I love [insert activity or pastime]”
3. Do The Ostrich!
5. Blame Obama
6. Bush did 11/8
7. Make sure people haven’t forgotten about Harambe
8. In one brief moment of awareness, realize that this reality is just a projection and not an absolute. Become aware of yourself as an entity and feel unfamiliar, separated, and scared of the being bearing your name and likeness. Run to the sink, avoiding mirrors as you go and plunge your head under the cold spray in an attempt to escape the insufferable knowledge. But you no longer have control of your mind, as if you ever did, and the truth opens up to you, black and slimy, and engulfs your vision. You scream but no one hears you, and no one cares.
9. Bake cookies!
10. I don’t know. Play Pokémon or something. That always takes my mind off things.