How to survive the Oklahoma winter: you won’t

Nine tips and tricks for TU students who’ve never braved one of our winters before.

It’s that time of year again! When the baking sun decides to quit beating on the backs of the youth walking between classes, the clouds snatch up the opportunity to roll in along with every other winter weather symptom out there. At TU, many students are from out of state and may not be prepared for the treacherous Oklahoma winter, but not to fear! This is all you need to know to guarantee your warmth this season:

#1: Say goodbye to that stunning skyline!

That’s right, can you even believe it!? The visibility here gets so bad that while walking around campus, particularly in front of McFarlin, you can’t even tell that you’re in Tulsa anymore. The choking fog becomes so dense that it’s like those tall buildings don’t even exist. Go on, try to look up … there’s nothing to see. It feels like you might’ve just wandered out of Oklahoma, into a vast midwestern oblivion.

#2: Bundle up!

Very few states can rival the chilliness of Oklahoma, where the weather is just so bitter your nose will pop right off like an icicle. Temperatures plummet so quickly into the negatives, it’s impossible to curse Jack Frost before it happens. With those negative temperatures, it’s easy to lose a finger or a toe or two on the walk to class, so be sure to stay bundled up in as many free shirts from student organizations as you can manage.

#3: Visit the ice castle!

A very popular spot during any season, the McFarlin library is a stunning sight, but it’s even more breathtaking when it freezes over to become the winter ice castle. So much ice collects on this campus landmark, you may think it would become something of a hazard. Good for us, then, that due to the extravagant amount of ice that takes over the area, you will be fairly safe thanks to ground consistency. Once you are dressed in your seven scarves and your 12 free shirts, you will be able to study in the ice castle for hours.

#4: Ice skate on the New U!

Along with McFarlin library, all large expanses of grass on campus freeze over, making Chapman Commons (better known as the New U) the best ice skating rink in town. Moms will bring their children on weekends; teenagers will stop by once high school lets out. All skating business goes directly to Chapman Commons, thanks to the enormous and wonderful fountain that will occasionally turn on to guarantee that none of the ice melts. Make sure you bring a pair of skates because the rental pairs run out quickly.

#5: Watch out for snowflakes!

During the winter season in Oklahoma, it is important that you bring an umbrella wherever you go unless you want to be absolutely obliterated by snowflakes as large as the panhandle. To coat the entire city in snow as well as obfuscate all of the skyscrapers, the average snowflake size has drastically increased in Oklahoma in the past 10 years. According to Guinness World Records, the last snowflakes this big were found in Texas in 1875, but even now, we still have them beat.

#6: Do not ride a lime scooter!

To guarantee that the enormous snowflakes are able to make it to their destination, Oklahoma will be overcome by a vicious, blustery wind. Alexander Health Center gets many patients who were blown over because they could not brace the breeze. The worst case health scenario, though, comes from riding a Lime scooter around in these malicious winds. The wind either pushes the scooter to a dangerous mach-speed, or, if you are able to successfully stay on riding against the wind’s current, the frost will try its damndest to kill you.

#7: Avoid the snow tornadoes!

The worst Oklahoma winter weather trait, though, is the snow tornadoes. Ever heard of fire tornadoes that can pick up flames in their spin? Well, snow tornadoes exist too, and they utterly ravage Oklahoma. Just imagine it, the harsh environment of a tornado paired with the bitter cold and brisk winds of the freezing season. The storm shelter on campus will become your new home once these hit campus, especially after they deposit enough snow to lock you in. Just make sure you bring your homework with you.

#8: Be polite to your yeti!

When you finally leave the storm shelter, you will discover quite shockingly that snow tornadoes summon yetis, and this yeti learned that you have the best dorm on campus. Yeti tries to be a good roommate; it will make the bed and bring its own toothbrush, but it loves your snack drawer, so anticipate the need to drive to Target every three days. Yeti also is very obnoxious when you try to do homework and prevents you from making any progress, but at least it appreciates watching “Friends” marathons with you.

#9: Embrace it all because it’s going to melt in a week!

Now that you are finally prepared for the vicious Oklahoma winter, embrace and bask in its blistering brilliance because it will all melt in a week, returning us to the burning heat of the midwest. If we are lucky enough, it will stay until the holidays, but even if it does not, you can guarantee that Yeti will at least make sure to return for Thanksgiving. It loves the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Post Author: Myranda New