I found myself studying abroad

And I have found that I am better than you.

I know that this sounds cliche but now that I’m studying abroad in Praha (Prague in Czech), my perspective has broadened so much. Now I understand how much better than everyone else I am. I used to struggle so much with self-esteem, but compared to all those dumbasses who didn’t go abroad? I’m the greatest! Guys, I’m out of my comfort zone so much. I am so excited to be here! Ukraine? Yes, there is one country between them and me. Why do you ask?

Once I learned to say “Dobrý den,” I realized that by pushing the boundaries of my comfort zone so much, I have surpassed my peers and become a true Traveling Free Spirit™. Not everyone has what it takes. I now know that only a person of my superior intellect could survive the adversity of sometimes having to point at what I want on a menu because the waiter nemluví Anglicky (“doesn’t speak English” in Czech, god I am so smart).

I would not say that I travel as a hobby. It is more of a lifestyle really. A lot of people make excuses for why they travel so little, excuses like “I cannot afford it,” “bro, I am working, leave me alone,” or “Sir, you are going to have to leave this Chili’s if you aren’t going to buy anything.” I make no such excuses. Money? You mean that green stuff? Ignore that shit and start living your true self.

Speaking of money, the beer costs so little here. It is only about 30 korun for a half-liter. On the off chance you do not know the current exchange rate, your beloved Chili’s could not touch these prices. They would go out of business. Try it, I dare you. Because beer costs almost nothing, I have decided to drink as much beer as I can at every opportunity. Imagine how much my growing alcohol dependency would cost in the US. I am going to save so much money in the long term. This is amazing!

One of the most important parts of experiencing a new culture simply revolves around interacting with locals. For example, I got called a “kurva” by an 80-year-old Czech man yesterday. I do not really understand what that means, but I appreciate his compliment regardless. Coincidently, the next day I also got called a “kurva” when I said no to a man selling weed on a bike. It must mean something like “what a neat fellow” or something. When you are as worldly as I, nothing really surprises you anymore.

Whether I am crossing the Vltava on the beautiful Karlův Most, or exploring the labyrinthine roads around Pražský hrad, I never lose sight of how demonstrably superior I am to all my untravelled peers. Can I pronounce either of those places, or the number four for that matter? No, but can anyone really say Čtyři? I sure as hell know you can’t.

Post Author: Kyle Garrison