My dearest loyal subjects (of voting age),
It is my great pleasure to announce the State-Run Media’s 2020 presidential endorsement. After much careful consideration and brutal deliberation, I have decided to endorse none other than our own TU Provost, Vice President of Academic Affairs and Interim President Janet Levit for President (of the United States).
A woman of impressive experience, Levit has proven her dedication to student success at TU with her steadfast advocacy of underfunded STEM majors with her True Commitment initiative, a tenacity and magnimatity that is sorely needed in Washington right now.
Levit has many other qualities that befit the highest office in the land. A born leader, Levit has only lost one no-confidence vote in her entire career as TU Provost. Levit is also a great speaker. Many can attest to her great eloquence in board meetings and speeches alike. With international tensions higher than ever, Levit can be a diplomatic voice in a world of mayhem.
Currently juggling three administrative positions, adding the U.S. Presidency to her workload would not only be a breeze to Levit, but a natural next step for her.
But of course, Levit is far too humble to announce a candidacy of her own. As much as this is admirable, this country needs someone like her in order to move this country in a stronger, more profitable direction. So come next November, my lovely readers, make sure to write-in Jane Levit on your ballots, a woman truly committed to the future of this country.
The Head Propagandist