Letter from the Propagandist: Endorsement of Trump

As avid readers of our paper will know, the State-Run Media has never endorsed a candidate before. At least, after a mysterious fire consumed our archives, you can’t prove that we did. But this election has been unlike any election before. There aren’t two equally qualified candidates who disagree on major policy issues. One candidate, in terms of policy, qualifications, and experience, is clearly the better choice.

That candidate is Donald Trump. Some other publications, like USA Today and the New York Times, have expressed concerns about his temperament, his lack of any government experience, and his tendency to give derogatory nicknames to people that he doesn’t like. But publications like the Lying Los Angeles Times and Sad Houston Times just don’t understand Donald Trump’s real draw — his stance on the freedom of the press.

Trump claims that he’s “a big believer, tremendous believer, of the freedom of the press.” With that characteristic bad boy confidence we love, he said that “Nobody believes it stronger than me.”

He said that the freedom of the press directly led to bombings. “They’re all talking about it so wonderfully because, you know, it’s called ‘freedom of the press,’ where you buy magazines and they tell you how to make these same bombs that I saw.”

He tweeted threats to journalists, saying “My lawyers want to sue the failing @nytimes so badly for irresponsible intent. I said no (for now), but they are watching. Really disgusting.”

Most notably, he has claimed that he’s “going to open up our libel laws so when [journalists] write purposely negative and horrible and false articles, we can sue them and win lots of money.”

With Donald Trump as president, we wouldn’t have to settle for our current, wimpy libel laws. Journalists would no longer be able to write what they want — ordinary citizens like pro wrestlers and Silicon Valley venture capitalists would be able to sue media companies for tens of millions of dollars, which could never happen with our current laws. The State-Run Media would be able to operate with much more freedom, since any libelous publications like The Collegian that report on our “blatant lies” or “bribes from presidential campaigns” wouldn’t be able to defend themselves against our legal team.

With all of this in mind, there’s nothing we can do but endorse Donald Trump. Tomorrow, when you’re in the voting booth, remember — one candidate has said that they will actively work to destroy the First Amendment, and the other is Hillary Clinton. Let’s make America great again.

Post Author: tucollegian

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