Hey there everybody. It’s me, the Head Propagandist here at The State-Run Media. Now, I know what you’re all thinking — “What’s the situation with those guys who made you kill the former editor?” Well. Let me stop you right there. Don’t follow that thought with, “Weren’t you going to find them?” And certainly don’t remind me that I said I was going to “Make them pay.”
This is a season of love and forgiveness, everyone. I’ve moved past that. And it has nothing to do with the fact that, from the moment I took this job, they have been closely monitoring everything I say and do. It’s probably not likely that they can read my mind, right?
Let me continue by voicing my support for the forces behind this publication. We here at The State-Run Media strive to bring readers the highest quality and most relevant news, and in order to do so we must heavily monitor and edit whatever “they” deem extraneous. Without their final word, I would venture to say this newspaper would have a hard time being called “news” at all.
Really, who are we to decide for ourselves what is “newsworthy”? If everyone had a voice, our newspapers and magazines would be full of subjective nonsense! I, for one, am certainly glad I didn’t spend all semester publishing childish and inane articles.
As Head Propagandist, I promise to keep up the quality of each issue of The State-Run Media. And really, don’t worry about what I wrote at the beginning of the semester. Everything is going perfectly well, and I certainly am not in the process of gnawing off my own hands.
Have a great end of the year, readers! I look forward to what The State-Run Media’s secretive directors have in store for all of us next semester.
