Local woman becomes a ghost to “ghost” her wife.
Last Monday, history was made. Scientists have finally proved that ghosts exist. We were able to validate their findings by interviewing the ghost in question and her wife. This is their story.
Picture it, Sicily, 1925.
It was two weeks ago in Picher, Oklahoma. Quit being so dramatic!
Fine. Picture it: Picher, Oklahoma, two weeks ago. It was 5:37 p.m. on a Tuesday. I was sitting in the living room reading the evening paper, and she was in the kitchen making dinner when I decided to leave her for my mistress.
Which one? Tell me it wasn’t that Tulsa chick?
I could not very well divorce her because of all the expenses. There’s the divorce lawyer, the custody lawyer, the estate lawyer, the prenup — I could go on. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to sign away three quarters of my wealth.
Well, I mean, I thought it was a good idea.
The next best solution was to die and leave everything to The Salvation Army in my will.
Which obviously I didn’t agree to! Also, I’m the executor of your will, so how well did you think that was actually going to work? But, yeah! Next thing I know someone has decided it’s time to keel over. I didn’t know what to do. I thought our marriage was going so well. Did something happen?
That’s bullshit! You knew full well about Debby, Kelly and Peggy.
All that was left for me was a prayer and maybe a Ouija board to figure out how we felt. So I decided to do a seance … with no luck.
Of course you had no luck! I was off in Las Vegas haunting my uncle to make up for all the money you stole from me. Unfortunately, I lost two grand and my arm. Don’t ask. It’s unrelated to the gambling.
Get to the point!
Oh, you thought there was a point? You would, wouldn’t you? Well back to my more important story, I left her for Debby, but Debby left me for Peggy, so now I’m sad.
So anyways now my wife is dead and I thought we were going to have a great time and now I just keep hearing all about these mistresses. It is kinda nice that I get to talk to her after she ghosted me, so I’m just gonna draw this conversation out as long as possible.
Wow I see how it is! There is a reason that I left you, and spending more time with you was not part of the plan.
These two continued to argue for three more hours, so we are going to end the interview here. If for some odd reason you want to read the rest of the transcript, it can be found at www.ghostwifey.com.
