In a turn of events that defies logic and reason, dog poop has appeared in the courtyard of Lorton Village, a supposedly pet-free apartment complex. The State-Run Media has responded to reports in an attempt to get to the bottom of this.
“I just don’t see how this could happen.” said Tanisha Wells, a resident. “Are we haunted? Are they… ghost poops?”
Campus Security has cordoned off the area, and a spokesperson from the University has confirmed that this is being investigated as a haunting.
“I’ve never seen anything like it,” said Bill Hendricks, a long-time member of Campus Security. “How could something like this happen? I literally have no idea how dog poop could appear in an apartment complex that expressly forbids owning pets. The students wouldn’t lie to us, would they?”
Sources indicate that the University has brought in an outside consultant to assess the nature of the incident.
“What we have here is a classic pet cemetery scenario,” said Harold Jones, a professional paranormal investigator hired by the University. “I’ve seen this kind of thing before. Well, I haven’t exactly seen the ghost dogs themselves, but I have seen a lot of mysterious poop in pet-free apartment complexes.”
“I really think it’s a ghost,” said one Lorton Resident who preferred to remain nameless. “I hear all kinds of barking from my neighbor’s apartment, even though he insists he doesn’t have a dog. Weird.”
As of press time, the University of Tulsa has not issued a statement regarding the poop.
