Professors ask students to tip for their services

Professors ask students to tip after lectures and grading exams because they obviously don’t get paid enough.

If you ask the students of TU — or any student anywhere — if professors have it tough, they will say no. However, professors have been silently struggling against skyrocketing inflation and dropping student engagement. TU professors have implemented a very common method that solves both of these problems. Professors have begun asking students to tip after class.

Tipping culture is truly everywhere now — even classrooms. After lectures and labs, professors stand by the door with an iPad ready to go with a card reader in hand. It’s impressive how quickly even the most technologically inept professors have grasped this concept and learned to operate the system flawlessly. They give students the option to pay with cash, card or by charging the tip directly to their bursar’s account.

The iPads were provided to professors by the Board of Trustees. When asked why they could provide all professors with free iPads but not cut textbook fees or provide technology for students, one board member said, “These iPads are going to pay for themselves within a couple years. We get a cut of each tip that professors get.”

We reached out to the Chief Financial Officer for a comment and he stated, “The university is broke. We’re buying $20,000 Roombas, building new academic buildings and a new office that probably won’t be used since we fired a bunch of unnecessary staff. It’s all really draining, financially. Student tips will ensure that we can keep paying for our staff luncheons in the Student Union. And, of course, professors will be incentivized to keep teaching.”

All in all, student tips aren’t the worst thing to happen at TU. Former degree programs are coming back and no one’s tried to ax the liberal arts programs again, so something must be working.

An ENS professor commented that “Students don’t tip when I give them failing grades so I’ve been grading on a flat curve.” Once prompted to explain the curve, the professor said, “I don’t even look at their exams anymore. They’re all terrible, so I grade on a flat A curve. When I pass back their exams, all of my students give me 25% tips. I’m making bank now, I might even pay off my student loans in 10 years instead of 15!”

Not only have professors adopted this practice, but Campo and Student Success Coaches have been issued iPads as well.

When officers are called in to remove the bats from resident halls, escort students feeling unsafe across campus and conduct wellness checks, they whip out their iPads and ask students to tip for their services. Now, when students use a Blue Light Emergency Pole, an automated tipping screen turns on before students can make a call. When students have a Cane Cares report submitted about them, they are now required to tip success coaches for supposedly assisting their mental health and providing super helpful support.

Many students call the new practices annoying, but students on scholarship and academic probation reportedly love that tipping culture has dominated campus. It really teaches professors and students alike the practice of quid pro quo (if the sexual harassment training didn’t explain that concept well enough).

Post Author: Shelby Heins