Proposal: #DontKneedU

A counter-protest has formed in response to football players kneeling during the national anthem.

In our current state of affairs, protests are a daily occurance. People, now more than ever, want to truly feel as though their voices are heard.

With the introduction of social movements and protests, there always seems to be a countermovement or protest from the majority. The #MeToo movement had #NotAllMen and #MenToo. Black Lives Matter was countered with All Lives Matter and Blue Lives Matter.

With the latest round of protests and attention Colin Kaepernick has been getting, a new counter-protest has formed. The “I don’t kneed you” movement was started by ex-NFL watcher Neil Johnson, who was upset by the protests on TV and decided to make a movement in which he would stop kneeling in his daily life.

The movement quickly gained traction in more conservative circles, with many following in Mr. Johnson’s footsteps. The most prominent showing is during marriage proposals. The hashtag #DontKneedU has been trending in more conservative circles with pictures of the grooms-to-be standing over their newly-engaged fiancees.

Oftentimes, the men tend to be a bit shorter than their brides-to-be in heels. In extreme cases, though, they’ll up the ante by standing on soapboxes to look down on their brides.

When talking to the many brides-to-be, they often said that they were happy with the movement but couldn’t understand why that specific name was chosen. As some women have critiqued on both sides, “It kind of implies that they never liked us in the first place.”

One recently engaged woman, Natalie Stanton, said, “I understand where this movement is coming from. People should have more respect for the flag and what it represents.”

When asked what she believed it represented, she responded, “You know, stuff like our veterans and the freedom they give us. Like the freedoms to not kneel for things that you disagree with.”

We were about to ask for clarification but were promptly cut off by a siren blaring from far away. Men, women and children seemed to appear out of nowhere. The whole time that the national anthem blared in the distance, they stood at attention and placed their hands on their hearts.

Along with marriage proposals, many conservatives have taken things to the extreme and refuse to kneel at all. This makes things very difficult whenever something gets dropped — especially their manhood.

Still, we know that it’s important to find causes that you believe in. In this case, when your protest is against something as minor as a man kneeling during a song that most people sit for when at home, it was just what was needed to get people riled up — which is why our propagandists at The State-Run Media choose to back the #DontKneedU Movement. Not so much because of the support, but mostly in an interest to gain that sweet revenue from this outrage in an effort to help us keep the lights on.

Make sure to get your “I don’t kneed you” memorabilia at your local bookstore or wherever counter protests are sold.

Post Author: Jourdon White