Shot for Shot

The Collegian team views and reviews a movie while getting uproariously drunk.

Note: All participants in the production of this article are either of legal drinking age or did not consume alcohol during the review process. Disparity in coherent prose should make as much evident.

Piper: I did not watch this movie but i think that adam sandler needs to retire he is not funny and i honestly dont think he ever was i dont understand what is happening why does he have a thermos and why are there so many kids? I dont know . kids are so loud and i think that I have reviewed it now

Justin: I think adam sandler is funny! It is a fun family-style movie that should not go unappreciated in 2021,

Kyle: The cinematography focusing on the facial hair really really showcases the filmmaking ability of Adam Sandler. I think he was involved in that. Idk. I am mainly watching for Steve Buscemi. I think he is immortal or some shit. I am not paying attention.

Zach: Why are we rating this movie? There is a good half hour left and Piper wrote her review with at least an hour left in the movie. Ergo, these people have not actually seen the movie that they discuss.

“More like shitizenship” –Zach in reference to canadian citizenship, unrelated to the movie.

Piper: This movie has lasted my whole lief. When i was born hubie was drinking soup. While i drink my juice hubie is drinking soup. Someday i will die. And hubie will still have his soup. And i think thats beautiful’’

Justin: I take it back, the movie is bad. I love Adam Sandler, but the movie is not that funny. They can’t all be hits. I don’t know how it got made, to be honest. Even Kevin James couldn’t save this film. It’s still good when you’re having fun with your friends. 🙂

Zach: Guys, it’s okay. Hubie saved the day. Even though all the other citizens call him Pubie, he saved their life anyway. The mother who was about to burn all of his enemies at the stake just like witches lost, and yet all of his enemies still don’t quite understand. Hubie is so genuine, yet all the other losers don’t understand.

Adam Sandler writes fantastical fiction in that he always writes movies where he is a total loser and yet everyone has to realize that he is super cool and then marries some beautiful woman way out of his league. For “The Wedding Singer” and “Fifty First Dates,” that woman is Drew Barrymore. For the “Grown Ups” films, that woman is Salma Hayek. And for this movie, I do not know her name but the pattern continues. This movie does not make any sense and I would not watch it again. If you look to this regular columns for suggestions, then please do not watch this movie. This movie is so terrible. Like, I am so inebriated, and this movie still isn’t enjoyable.

“Why can’t we just have HOT bean dip?” – Zachary Wyatt Short, calling upon the thermos motif from Sandler’s film. Tensions flared in the writing room but quickly subsided with Zach’s falsetto rendition of “Style” as the credits veered by. Hubie Halloween failed to capture the audience’s attention—as opposed to Editor Short’s deeeeeeeep preference for Taylor Swift over Rihanna.

Post Author: tucollegian