The Collegian team views and reviews a movie while getting uproariously drunk.
Note: All participants in the production of this article are either of legal drinking age or did not consume alcohol. Disparity in coherent prose should make as much evident.
Piper
This is the greatest movie i have ever seen. They have so many disguises and they are so talented at fighting. The thin man doesnt stand a change because the angels are so so good at running and pursuing and jumping. Even though he has a gun, they persist.
Stasha
In my own personal humble opinion as a bisexual feminist, I am so conflicted. But as a costumer, if I have to see Drew Barrymore with half-curled hair one more time, I am going to riot. They were going for a believable post-sex look, as if the curls had been disrupted. A wrinkle in time. A curl in hair. But these designers (if we could call them that) decided to curl half the strands on the top layer of her hair. They didn’t even have the brain cell to brush them out. If her hair was curled and she had had sex, some of the curl underlings may still be present, but the top layer would just be matted or floofed out and uncurled. I’m not only unsettled, I am deeply disturbed. It was a bad choice. This is a good take. I rest my case.
Heath
Lucy Liu (sp?) is so radiant in this movie, she is the only consistently appealing part of this film. Otherwise, the pacing in this movie is bizarre. The director seems to have taken to heart the cliched “fast pacing!!” note from high school theatrical productions and has applied it to a well-funded (i’m going to assume) blockbuster film. As a result, the viewer has to parse through a high-speed, little-elaborated, poorly-ideated film about three women who….? Wear disguises, kiss men, and have fights. This film reads more as the product of inside jokes of a couple of zany writers over the work of trained and polished cinematographers.
Taylor
As a straight woman, lucy liu is the closest I have been to saying “well, maybe…”. Also I have no idea what the point of this is but i believe the moral of the story is that everyone is evil but if ur a hot girl who can kick or punch it does not matter amen
PIper
I think that the angels could probably all step on me but it is true that if we played FMK then lucy liu is the only logical option to marry.
Zach: This is an okay movie. Happy birthday Piper, you are 22. Just like the song from Taylor Swift, when she turns 22. I like the actors in this movie, and I LOVE the soundtrack, but this is just not that good of a movie. I can say that I like it, just so that Piper is not mad at me (I think she really likes this movie), but it is overall really subpar, at least the parts of it that I remember. Lot of dancing and there’s a skinny guy that drinks Pepper M.D.? I don’t think I understand this movie. Zach out.
Kyle: Guys, I once again, did not pay attention. My sincerest apologies. Chad has my pillow guy vibes.
