Student consumes too much pumpkin spice

The beginning of autumn has brought on the first round of exams for the semester at the University of Tulsa. Luckily for students, this season also heralds the return of Starbucks’ beloved Pumpkin Spice Latte.

For some, this drink can be a much-needed study aide. But for others the combination of stress and lack of sleep can lead to what is known as a “PSL overdose”.

Finding no previous record of a PSL-related hospitalization on record, doctors are baffled after local Education student Mary Meehan sought medical attention last week complaining of a strange “cinnamon feeling.”

Meehan reports she had been working towards her Starbucks Gold Card, and began buying even more drinks once she earned her membership. According to Meehan, it just “made sense” to buy upwards of ten drinks at a time, in order to earn that one extra free drink.

Meehan insists that there are added health benefits to the drink as well, given recent changes to the latte’s recipe.

“The PSL has real pumpkin in it this year,” Meehan stated after doctors asked her about her intake of the beverage. “So it’s definitely healthier, right?”

Doctors noticed that Meehan’s condition worsened after her sorority sisters brought more lattes to the hospital to cheer her up. According to Dr. Meredith Cheney, Meehan’s physician, upon drinking the lattes the student’s complexion suddenly turned orange, and she complained that her mouth tasted like nutmeg and clove.

“She had started drinking more lattes when she realized she had some exams coming up,” Meehan’s sorority sister, Audrey Obaidi stated. “Mary asked us to bring her more drinks, but we started questioning whether or not we should.”

Meehan’s condition took a turn last week when, suddenly, she completely turned into a full-fledged Pumpkin Spice Latte. She was found unresponsive next to her open “Intro to Education” textbook.

Dr. Cheney believes that there is only one answer as to what caused Mary’s ailment. “The diagnosis is simple,” Cheney stated. “You are what you eat.”
Starbucks has yet to comment on the issue, but medical professionals are warning fans of the latte to keep their intake at a “reasonable” level. As for Meehan, doctors are hopeful that abstinence from the drink will repair her condition.

Post Author: tucollegian

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