Great day for underclassmen everywhere: big words do equal participation credit.
According to inside sources, a student productively added to the discourse in an English block class by explaining to his peers that while “I haven’t done the reading, if what I am gleaning from the class discussion’s vibe is correct, the ambiance shown in the text really matches the time in that it pushes a complex narrative with an emphasis on prose vis-a-vis the truly multifaceted nature of the author’s perspective.”
When reached for comment, the underpaid adjunct professor for the block English class explained that he was trying to lecture on the subject of the class when this wise student bravely joined the dialogue. “If I might interject here, it would be apt to note at this time that the truly complex and historical setting intrinsic to any work which such addresses the human condition as this one does, or so I assume having not read a page of the work,” the freshman added thoughtfully.
The professor commented, “I am glad I teach eight classes at three universities so I can hear a wide range of students such as him who probably watched Ben Shapiro videos instead of reading the seven page essay I assigned.”
An English major who regrets putting this class off until her senior year stated that she had tried to join in the conversation but the freshman, wearing a counter-culture tee shirt he bought at Target, interrupted her. “If I might impose, I think we really need to look at this from a historical framework. This author, whose name I have forgotten, is—like us all—limited by the boundaries of our social fabric.” She explained that, after a brief intermission of productive comments from classmates, he continued, claiming that “based solely on the other students’ contributions, it seems to me like this work borrows heavily from the filmmaker Tom McGrath’s fourth best grossing (US) work—the DreamWorks film of which I am sure you are all familiar.”
“God he’s the worst,” commented a sophomore stoner wearing a blue Colorado state flag hoodie, who slept through the majority of class periods. He explained that his vibe was continuously interrupted by the freshman who would wake him up with comments like: “actually, I contest that superfluous claim based on the evidence presented in the…” The stoner continued, “Bro, shut the fuck up, you are ruining my REM cycles.”
As a student under the purview of social sciences and humanities myself, I am very appreciative of students like this who take valuable time out of their networking agendas to attend class and add such helpful and insightful commentary on works within my field of study. Here at TU we pride ourselves at being a melting pot of differing opinions, and I am glad that students who just don’t give a shit also have a chance to be heard here.
This brave freshman’s circumambulation of reading the class materials by means of a continuously misused but relatively expansive lexicon will surely remain a sufficient strategy for the remainder of his business degree, and I for one, respect him all the more for it.