Supreme Court enjoys deadlock vacation

With the presidential election looming, The State-Run Media would like to take a minute and catch up with the Supreme Court. Since the Court has been unable to come to verdicts with only 8 justices, they all agreed to just take some time off and go on vacations while they wait for Congress and the president to agree on a 9th justice. We checked in with each of them.

Ginsburg – I had never gone hunting before, but with all the debate about gun laws, I figured I should take the break and educate myself by owning and using a gun. And I’m really getting into it! I already have a collection of 13 AR-15s, and I’m hoping to pick up an AK-47 next week!

Alito – Honestly, I’m ready for the vacation to be over. It’s not that I don’t enjoy taking a break every once in awhile, but there are only so many model trains sets to build and fantasy football leagues to compete in before you tire of them, ya know?
Sotomayor – Most of my break has been travel. It’s truly amazing what some of the beautiful gems hidden in our country our. Just last week I got my picture next to the world’s largest t-shirt! Who knew that was even in the United States?!

Roberts – I’ve finally had the time to sit down and play Skyrim properly. It’s something that’s always been on my radar, but I just could never get into it after the long hours of making decisions about the interpretation of the law.
Kagan – Justice Kagan is using the break to partake in a giant hide and seek game in Washington D.C. Despite this reporter’s best efforts following her cryptic clues, she could not be reached for comment.

Kennedy – I’ve spent my break on a mission trip to Africa. I wanted to use this time to actually make a difference in the world, rather than being stuck in a stuffy courtroom all day, debating laws. I’ve built a couple of houses and a bridge, and really impacted the lives of those in this community!
Thomas – After Justice Scalia’s sudden death, I was really shook up. I realized I could die any time, and didn’t want to have regrets on my deathbed. So I’m using the break to check off my bucket list. I’ve already been skydiving and skinny-dipping, and I’m getting ready to run a marathon!

Breyer – The courtroom has always looked a little drab to me, so I’m taking advantage of the break to redecorate it with modern trends and bright colors! I’m thinking we switch to an open floor plan and have some whiteboard walls. It’s going to really be a place to encourage creativity! I can’t wait for the other justices to get back and see what I’ve done with the place!

The justices plan to reconvene for a presidential election watch party this November. The one thing they can agree on, however, is hoping for a split between the presidency and Congress, so they get four more years of vacation while partisan politics result in a deadlock for the 9th supreme court seat.

Post Author: tucollegian

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