The Weekly Yak

Who needs the news when the students of TU are more nosy than that aunt you only see once a year who thinks she’s entitled to updates on your nonexistent love life? Just in case you didn’t know, or haven’t left your dorm since the Frat Flu compromised the health of Oklahoma, we are having a 2020-esque series of unfortunate events on campus: someone is trying to overturn the results of the election, everyone is protesting something and there isn’t a single person who hasn’t gotten sick this semester. I received reports that we were close to getting free tuition as well, but I guess we lucked out this time.

Last week the University of Tulsa experienced the wrath of Punxsutawney Phil after many doubted his ability to predict the forecast. In addition, some students also experienced democracy for the first time this month. Not only were we able to vote for people to SGA (only for them to still have less influence than the football team), but we were able to get President Brad Carson to turn on the AC after an unprecedented February heat wave. Since we got a taste of our inherent civilian power, perhaps it’s time to take it beyond the university to vote for officials who are willing to protect students after they’re born, without us needing to send texts and ragepost on our favorite social media app Yik Yak.

Speaking of, it’s time for The Weekly Yak, the place I go to escape my doomscrolling, only to find that everyone else has started to dump their anger and trauma into a cesspool of feelings that we don’t want to speak to CAPS about. I urge everyone to take a break from their phones because chances are your missing assignments will offer you more reprieve than being sold a lifestyle of overconsumption. Learn a new language. Join a club. Rent a hammock. Read the top ten posts on Yik Yak from this week. As always, we refrain from reusing posts that were posted in previous weeks, and ones in which graphics provide the majority of the context for the posts:

“Normalize context!!” – Tulsa

“Respect to the kid who grabbed someone else’s Chick-fil-A order during the evac” – Tulsa

“Calling ACAC ACSU in an emergency alert is crazy” – Tulsa

“Gus T took off his costume that’s why it’s evacuated no one can see the real him” – Tulsa

“I was ordering at sol and told the worker I was gonna blow up the bathroom afterwards and ig they reported a bomb threat. Sorry guys” – Tulsa

“[Redacted] Raichik; [redacted] Stitt; [redacted] Walters. Rest in peace, Nex Benedict.” – Tulsa

“Someone tell the robots to stay away i want them safe” – Tulsa

“If there was a boba shop in the acac, i would single-handedly keep it open” – Tulsa

“I promise you TU you do NOT want to hear from me about my academic journey” – Tulsa

“Mfs who go here and still say ‘tulsa university’ (fearful emoji)” – Tulsa

Even though I only use Dining Dollars, I feel for those feeling robbed by meal swipes. Just make sure to keep your comments to yourself or you may be responsible for the next mysterious closing of “ACSU,” whatever that building is. Remember that there are free lunches everyday. But you know what’s also free? My personal favorites for these specific posts from this past week:

“Guys I’ve really gotten into drinking water lately, it’s so good. Underrated beverage” – Tulsa

“God keeps sending me battles like i’m a navy seal when i am really a victorian child riddled with consumption” – Tulsa

“I hear there’s a new meal trade option where they just give you a scoop of kibble” – Tulsa

“The sun is so nice today. Wish I could transform into a plant and photosynthesize” – Tulsa

“People have the misconception that commuters are lonely and struggle to build connection, but every time i drive home from campus late at night i get along with the shadow-people just fine” – Tulsa

“I’m a girl and I workout with a boy but we are not a couple we are both gay please hit on us” – Tulsa

Do you want your Yaks to be featured next week on The Collegian? Be funny. Make Hannah laugh. That rarely happens.

Post Author: Hannah Moua