After a two-month hiatus and the emergence and dissipation of holiday cheer, The Collegian has returned along with The Weekly Yak, briefly renamed The Winter Yak for the purpose of this week’s edition. Although this is informal, I also welcome back the Clown Emoji who makes daily graphics for the events in and around our lovely institution. In order to make up for the lost time, I have decided to select my favorite posts from winter break to form this week’s article – yes, I was on Yik Yak during Winter Break. However, in case you prefer peace and relaxation here is a recap of all that happened in our month away from this polar cap that is The University of Tulsa:
We were immune from the removal of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion offices at all public higher education institutions in Oklahoma! Volleyball is going international (there were A LOT of arguments)! Cuddling with someone who is the same sex as your partner, who isn’t your partner, IS cheating! Anyway, here are a few of my favorites from whenever I was not pretending to be a successful student:
“Nothing worse than going out to eat with a friend who doesn’t like to eat like wow we really came all the way here just for you to make me feel like a fat [redacted]. Thanks for that Bella Hadid.” – Tulsa
“New yikyak update makes it look like a fake app in a Disney movie” – Tulsa
“Oh my bad i mistook a guy in his twenties as a man – he’s still a boy” – Tulsa
“The admissions officer that let me into this school should probably be fired tbh” – Tulsa
“Patagonia: We are dedicated to protecting natural lands and environmental Justice
People who wear Patagonia: If jimmy shows up to this Lambda Chi party after that [redacted] he pulled at my dad’s lake house im gonna [redacted] lose it” – Tulsa
“As an athlete: full scholarship athletes get their electric bill paid for, meal stipends which can be $600+ a month, a regular stipend 200+ a month. Don’t let them tell you they don’t get paid. We do. And most aren’t grateful for it” – Tulsa
This week, there were no posts of hearing ambulances, so no one actually “took one for the team.” Y’all are a bunch of fakes. And from what I could tell, there have not been any real parties, except for Silent Disco which was probably dope; I guess the frats learned the hard way that just because beer doesn’t freeze at the same temperature as water, that it doesn’t freeze at all. Maybe they can use that critical thinking to determine why their last situationship got upset when they said they’d prefer to invest in stocks than see where the relationship is going to go.
If you haven’t yet received all of your textbooks, thank you for reading something worthwhile on this cold day. To return to our regular broadcast, I will now add the top ten Yik Yak posts from last week. As always, we refrain from reusing posts that were posted in previous weeks, and ones in which graphics provide the majority of the context for the posts:
“My friend totaled her car, dropping her kids off at daycare, so she could go to her 1pm class, 20mins before TU cancelled classes…. Brad, this is why you don’t wait to cancel. [Redacted].” – Tulsa
“TU changing their minds about closing campus 3 times in the last 12 hours is insane to me (crying emoji)” – Tulsa
“Shoutout to the professors who take it upon themselves to cancel class despite the university’s decision” – Tulsa
“Upvote for boobies! Down vote for peepees:(“ – Tulsa
“Don’t worry guys, I’ll slip and fall in front of everyone and die for y’all’s day off. Plz make a statue for me (saluting emoji)” – Tulsa
“My professor canceled by saying ‘there’s way too much ice. I prefer to live. No class today’ (crying emoji) [redactedddd] you brad” – Tulsa
“WAR IS OVER” – Tulsa
“I went to the gym today and overcame my fear of using the machines cause i didn’t want people to watch me look stupid trying to figure them out, but I figured it out and I’m proud of myself, someone hype me up” – Tulsa
“You could not pay me enough money to get a TU tatt (crying emoji)” – Tulsa
“Don’t worry guys! We’re forcing the food service employees to come in, though we won’t be making the robots to run bc don’t want the robots to get damaged” – Tulsa
May the TU community return to the yapping and messiness of the fall semester soon. Your drama is our morning paper. Good luck in these upcoming weeks!
Do you want your Yaks to be featured next week on The Collegian? Be funny. Make Hannah laugh. That rarely happens.
