Trump drops 2020 presidential bid; Democrats rescind impeachment inquiry

Now that Trump’s no longer a threat, Democrats have dropped their investigation into him.

In a shocking turn of events, President Donald Trump has decided to drop his bid for the presidency in 2020, and the Democrats have subsequently dropped their impeachment inquiry. This incredible development occurred not long after Nancy Pelosi announced that the House of Representatives would begin the aforementioned impeachment inquiry, with Donald Trump releasing this statement in back-to-back tweets at 3:04 a.m. on the morning of Friday, Sept. 27:

(1/2)“It’s been real, it’s been fun, but it ain’t been real fun. I will NOT be running for PRESIDENT in the next ELECTION. The crooked democrats led by LYING Nancy Pelosi are trying to pin fake evidence on me and have now gone so far as to have someone (probably …

(2/2)“… the Clinton Foundation) create DAMNING evidence from phone calls that NEVER HAPPENED. No president has ever been attacked as much as me. WITCH HUNT!”

Conservatives on Twitter were quick to point out the president’s use of an old adage at the beginning of the tweet, with Turning Point USA founder Charlie Kirk saying it “started the official statement with a heart-warming display of humility.” Democrats were not so kind, accusing the medium of the announcement as being “super lame,” “wack f’real” and “unabashedly inane,” to quote tweets from Chuck Schumer, Beto O’Rourke and Greta Thunberg, respectively.

By the end of the day Friday, Nancy Pelosi had announced the termination of the impeachment inquiry. In her statement, she explained that the process likely wouldn’t have reached a Senate vote by the next election and that the Senate wouldn’t vote to actually remove Trump from office “even if he murdered a person live on national television.”

Mitch McConnell was quick to respond to the accusation by captioning a tweet with the quote, writing, “I would, and I am sure the great patriots of this country would as well, expect he had a damn good reason to commit a capital crime before an audience.”

A recent Gallup poll posing that exact question showed that only 24 percent of voting-age people would expect the president to have a good reason for killing someone, a steep drop from the high point of 35 percent in July of this year. However, it is true that 49 percent of McConnell’s home state of Kentucky said that they would believe the president would have a legitimate impetus for a murderous display. Kentucky accounts for less than 1.5 percent of the American population, despite its monopoly on what can be voted in the Senate.

It is now expected that many more Republicans will now announce their relatively late candidacies for the presidency in the absence of Donald Trump. The most likely candidates at this point are country music star Blake Shelton, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr., Rob Schneider and some member of the Bush family whose name we will indubitably be hearing for the first time. Announcements are expected within the next two weeks.

Post Author: Zach Short