I would’ve attached that video of the man singing the trololol song, but who am I to say? graphic by Anna Johns

TU replaces Blue Light Phones with epic prank

Does this make you ragequit, Batman?

Once passive, unspoken guardians of the campus, the Blue Light Phones have been drastically changed: no longer do students have the option to utilize this safety measure, and it has instead been deactivated and replaced with a QR code haphazardly draped upon the previous system’s corpse. Though previously these Blue Light Phones could be criticized for their functionality, many students argue that its removal negatively impacts security.

TU argues Blue Light Phones are an outdated system that eats away money, and with the university perpetually hemorrhaging money like an “Ocean’s Eleven” heist man who cannot quite quit the game, cuts to what they deem unnecessary spending is more essential than ever. Besides, student safety isn’t that big of a deal—they already paid for the semester, so what is the cost benefit analysis for protecting them?

Therefore, the new system works perfectly: if a student is truly in a dangerous situation, they just need to pop over to those dead blue light titans, get a camera out and scan a QR code. Then, the student must wait for an app to download—an easy task, especially since TU is known for working, efficient WiFi—and awkwardly brandish their phone to a potential assailant, showing any attacker that yeah, take that, this is a school that totally cares for their students.

The safety app has also received some criticism. The Blue Light Phone used to alert not only campus security but the Tulsa police. However, when students start the app and it loads for a moment, what they see instead is a full-screen image of the rage comic troll face, sardonically asking, “U MAD BRO?”

Okay, whatever. We all agreed it is funny in a 2011 trololol way, so TU can have that.
“Props to TU for the sick joke and all,” said junior Cassidy Yates, “but I don’t know if it’s really appropriate.”
The troll face is a double hit, really. If you are some kind of idiot loser with no phone or a dead battery, frankly, that is your fault. And in an emergency where time is most valuable, what will an app offer besides a wait for help?

Pressed for comment, a spokesperson for administration wrote in a campus-wide email, “We get paid too much to be connected to the wants and needs of the students or faculty, so that’s our bad. Can’t we just file this as another case of oopsie, no Bueno?”
The email ended with an apologetic: “For an extended apologetic statement, click here.” The hyperlink then takes the viewer to another troll face “U MAD BRO?” jpeg.

“Oh, yeah,” Yates continued, “and they got us again. Super shitty, but you gotta recognize elite trolling skills when you see it.”
Despite student outcry and widespread Instagram posts, no further action has been taken regarding the defunct Blue Light Phones. The QR code to the troll face remains active, and any dorks in emergency situations simply need to face that they are on their own. “If you care so much about safety,” the spokesman had written, “maybe just don’t leave your apartment or walk around campus? I thought this was a liberal arts college—do they not teach you lot critical thinking?”

Post Author: Anna Johns